I was on Instagram scrolling and I stumbled on Avery Francis’ (@averyfrancis) post about the microaggressions Black men face daily. These things not only dehumanize us but it stands desensitize the nature of Black men by allow non-Black people to feel more privileged by the nature of our Blackness hidden under the blanket of “meaning well”.

Here is her post, tell me what you think:

“I only date black men”

Racial fetishism is sexually fetishizing a person or culture belonging to a specific race or ethnic group. For Black men, it shows up in everyday situations like work, on social media and even on dating apps. Racial fetishization isn’t a compliment. Comments like this aren’t out of genuine interest or admiration for a person – they come from exclusively being interested in someone based on their race. When you fixate on someone’s skin colour, Black men and POC like, you’re othering us in sexual way. Joking that you have a jungle fever or that you love the taste of chocolate is so gross. Racial fetishization is a thing. Stop.

“I’m darker than you”

It’s summer now so I know some of the Karens have already been saying this. Does your fake tan come with 400 years of systematic oppression, daily microaggressions, bias at work and racial inequalities too? Yah, I didn’t think so. “I’m darker than you” or “I’m Blacker than you are” is a loaded comment, so I’ll just leave that right there. Unless you live in Black skin 365 days a year, we really don’t want to hear this from you.

“You must have a big dick”

So, apparently this is a thing. It is really gross. Comments like this are not only really invasive they are dehumanizing. Like any other race, culture or subculture, Black men are painted in a certain light sexually by society. There’s enough history, media and porn to illustrate and explain what these stereotypes are. Reducing anyone to the size of their genitalia is really disgusting. Also, comments like this are straight up harassment and need to stop.

“You aren’t Black-Black”

What kinds of Black guys are you referring to when you say this? The type of Black men who are negatively and inaccurately reflected through carefully curated stereotypes? Does this mean that the Black man you are saying this to is a safe or acceptable Black man? Or, is their Blackness less threatening to you? Pushing your stereotype of how a Black person speaks, acts, behaves and exists is harmful because you generalize an entire race. Appropriating Black culture will never equate to the real lived experiences of a person existing in a Black boy, Period. I don’t care how woke you think you are.

“You are so aggressive”

For years Black men have been negatively depicted as angry, confrontational or aggressive in the media and pop culture. After decades of careful curating of negative stereotypes of Black men. If a Black man is assertive, passionate or spirited, his behavior is often received in a negative way. He is perceived as a threat, dangerous or scary. This type of bias often causes Black men to be misunderstood, brutalized and attacked. Black men aren’t aggressive, your views about them are.

“I don’t see colour”

This seems innocent enough, but it is really a problematic thing to say. You may mean well, but this is a harmful thing to say to a black man, woman or any person of colour. If you are looking to become a better ally acknowledging race or racial differences is a great place to start. Don’t dismiss a Black person’s lived experience because of you own discomfort with acknowledging and talking about racial differences.

“You sound white”

Here’s the thing there is no universal tone or way of speaking for Black people and pushing your own bias, stereotypes, and narrow assumptions that you have about how black people sound can be harmful. Feeling a sense of belonging is already tricky for Black folks. Minimizing us to how you think we should look; act or sound ignores a whole part of identity and humanity. What does ‘white’ or ‘black’ sound like anyway? Honestly, I’ve never said “you don’t sound white” to a white person when we’ve first met.

“You are so articulate”

When you say this to a Black man, you are implying that you are shocked that he is eloquent and well spoken. Comments like this speak to the educational inequities that exist between Black and non-Black communities. It suggests that Black men are typically not articulate, so it comes as a surprise to you. Nothing about this comment is okay. If you are surprised when we are articulate, you have some work to do. Id suggest start with checking your own bias.

“You don’t sound black”

This comment highlights the subtle nuances of racism depicted in media and pop culture that do not accurately illustrate how we all speak. If a Black man speaks with elocution and diction, they are often faced with this critique. “You don’t sound Black” is harmful because it feeds in to the negative stereotypes that tend to oppress Black men at work and beyond. Not all Black people sound the same.