The Butterfly Effect

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By definition, the butterfly effect is the idea that small things can have non-linear impacts on a complex system. The concept is imagined with a butterfly flapping its wings and causing a typhoon.

Where the hell am I going with this? I literally had the idea in my head and being very on brand for me - I started thinking about so many other things that my mind went all over the place and I lost the point. It took me a couple hours legit to get back here … LOVE, sex and desire. Why does falling in love give you the butterflies? Is it okay to just let go and allow the butterflies to cause a typhoon?

I know … love is something you “feel”. You know it when it’s there even though you can't see it. You can’t describe it, but you know it when it happens right? I think that’s essentially how it works. I’m no expert but I think I have a good enough grasp of the concept. I’ve had friends who have gone on dates and come back disappointed like “I just didn’t feel anything”, its a case where thought of seeing the person again makes your heart skip a beat and you feel so nervous that you can’t eat.

I’m not saying this phenomenon is not true or that you should stay far from it, but using your brain, in addition to your heart, leads to better decisions. That logically that makes sense when you think about it right? I read an article that spoke to the fact that these swoony sensations (butterflies in the stomach) we recognize as signs that we’re truly into someone are symptoms of sexual passion — not of undying devotion.

What if I went out of my way to tell you that following your heart is the second leading cause of cheating. It’s a little like this, while the mind can take into account all the good and all the bad and lead you to the right long-term decisions, your the heart (along with a few shots of Casamigos and your loins) is the one leading you to decisions like going home with all that sexiness while bae is out of town. Do you actively separate the difference in voices of your mind and that of your heart?

The truth is, the temporary sensation you get is a chemical reaction. There are hormones and pheromones to make our brains feel a certain way. It’s a biological survival instinct. People have to mate. Mating is a one-time action that happens and may produces babies. This feeling makes sure humans mate. It’s evolution must … not a way to find a future spouse (I would think) so you basically have to add more substance to that feeling to make more complicated decisions that will make sense for a productive future. You agree?

How About Living For Me?

Photo by Thought Catalog on Unsplash

I watched a documentary entitled, “The Legend of the Underground” which captures queer Nigerian activists as they discuss their country’s laws criminalizing gay sex. Together, they lament unjust arrests and police brutality and went on to talk about the treatment in their homes from their own family members. This left me to ask myself the question, “why do so many people have issues with the way others live their lives if they are not being hurt or affected in anyway, by their choices?”

When you think about it, life is full of many great wonders, commensurate in its accompanying love and cruelty. Sometimes you wonder how people can ill-treat others when we already have such a short tenure here on earth… Like really!! What’s the point of it?

I guess I’m just too odd for most in how I approach this life. If how a well-thinking adult chooses to live does not in any way affect my bottom line, it should not make me want to go out of my way to hurt them, right?

I can never find a good enough reason to validate why people would choose to hate someone else because of their sexuality or race or even just the way they generally choose to live their lives.

Is there actually one? I highly doubt that. So why…?

The whole validation spiel came out of me asking myself why would I do certain things and the only idea I came up with is either that I am directly or indirectly seeking social validation. I feel like we subject ourselves to a lot of torture because of other people’s opinions of us (directly and indirectly).

That’s literally how we are socialized and it’s hard to break free. Face it. You don’t want your neighbor to see you doing certain things just because your parents and grandparents told you it wasn’t acceptable with no rationale.

But fuck your neighbor! Are you hurting anyone? Are you making yourself happy or others unhappy? Which matters more? Ask yourself: Are you at peace?

Sometimes it feels like you literally can’t break free. It’s more of a thing of balance and management; really understanding what this life thing is about and the fact that as social creatures, we seek validation. For example, after rejection, we start to feel sad, even though the rejection is always about the OTHER person and how much we fit in with THEM. It’s really about them in relationships. Nonetheless, we still use it as virtue signaling. They accepted us, so we are “good”, “handsome” or “intelligent” enough.

We are wired that way but you should always try to ask yourselves the questions. The fact is that you should always try. That’s the basis of it.

I think a big part of all of this is that it is important to understand that nothing in life is free. I’ve come to realize that EVERYTHING in life has a cost and sometimes in order to be validated, we have to pay. We literally pay with our individuality and personhood which boils down to our happiness and peace.

This has been on my mind for a few days now.

Do you want to be liked by people ?

The payment (validation):
Meeting others expectations, wants, and needs. That sometimes might involve you not fully being yourself.

So, it really just boils down to how much of yourself you’re willing to ‘pay’. If you understand what’s happening, you’re on your way but so many people can’t even start to identify what they’re doing and just end up stuck and can’t even ask the questions that are outlined.

Five Ways To Protect Your Brain Health

Photo by Gemma | That's Her Business on Unsplash

Everyone’s memory goes on the crispier side every now and again. We often end up asking ourselves questions like, “where did I put those keys?”, “what was I saying again?”, “remind me what day it is”. Many a time, these lapses can be blamed on normal, fleeting problems like inattention or an overly busy day.

There are more concerning types of memory issues, however, which is why it’s worth doing everything in your power to minimize the odds of them happening.

“Memory is just a tiny part of brain functioning, and there’s a lot you can do to protect your brain health,” says Director of Cognitive Neurology at Johns Hopkins Medicine,  Barry Gordon, M.D., Ph.D.

Below are his top 5 suggestions for protecting brain health:

1. Weave heart-pumping exercise into your daily routine.

   “A surprising amount of evidence points to this as the no. 1 thing you can do to improve brain health,” Gordon says. In addition to lowering your risk of hypertension and diabetes, improving mood and sleep, and helping with weight control, aerobic exercise may activate certain beneficial genes in the brain. He also mentioned that benefits accrue no matter what age you start.

2. Take care of any medical problems.

   Diabetes, heart disease, stroke, and hypertension are all known to damage brain health. The good news: You can reduce your risk of each of these health conditions—or potentially control them better.

3. Get enough sleep, and get help for existing sleep problems.

   There’s increasing evidence that sleep disorders can cause problems with mental functions—including memory. Two of the most common sleep zappers: obstructive sleep apnea and stress.

4. Review the medications you’re taking with your doctor.

   Some drugs, such as sedatives for anxiety, can affect thinking, says Gordon.

5. Stay socially engaged.

   Challenging your brain by learning new things has many benefits. Even better is pursuing interests that connect you with others. “It’s probably better for brain health to have a conversation over lunch with a friend than to memorize numbers in reverse, for instance,” Gordon says.

What Can I Do Now to Strengthen and Protect My Memory? 

“The best thing for memory is exercise,” says Rick Huganir, Ph.D., director of the Johns Hopkins Department of Neuroscience. Although researchers aren’t clear just how it works, the benefit may be related to increased blood flow to the brain, which strengthens connections between memory-forming cells. Or it may be that exercise triggers the release of certain brain chemicals, including growth factors that are also important in stimulating these connections.

Resource: Memory: 5 Ways to Protect Your Brain Health

Six Assertiveness Skills

One of the things I struggle with the most is self confidence and being assertive in a public setting. I can confess however, that though I have come a far way in the last couple of years, especially with the help of therapy (I can’t stress the need to have a relationship with a trained therapist enough) I still have an extensive journey ahead of me. Building one’s self confidence is, as far as I see it, an ongoing process and the need varies from person to person.

A lot of people, particularly men, are interested in upping their assertiveness skills but are unsure of what to do. This is particularly true for folks who need to be more direct in the workplace and in romantic relationships. I work in a very small company and have a very small group of friends and would identify as an ambivert leaning more towards an introvert, so this is something I struggle with as well.

Take this scenario in consideration:

You order an expensive steak at a restaurant, but when the waiter brings it to you it’s way over-cooked. When he asks, “How is everything?” you respond, “Fine,” while you glumly saw your charred hunk of meat.

This might boil down to the “nice guy syndrome” and a lot of us suffer from this “curse” but in a nutshell, assertiveness is an interpersonal skill in which you demonstrate healthy confidence and are able to stand up for yourself and your rights, while respecting the rights of others.

This all boils down to boundaries right? Right! But here are seven quick steps to kind of help you come across as assertive:

1. Always make eye contact.

2. No is an acceptable response.

3. Manipulation is a poor way approach to assertiveness.

4. Use “I” statements when you feel uncomfortable about how to navigate a “negative” situation.

5. The primary difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness is, standing up for yourself and your beliefs rather than being arrogant and attacking.

6. Peaceful disagreement is a thing.

I know this makes it sound easy, but for many being more assertive poses a heavy task. Try these steps and you’ll notice an improvement.

The HustleFit Sustainable Fat Loss Method by Coach Montel Hardin

Coach Montel

“The HustleFit Sustainable Fat Loss Method” breaks down 3 of the MOST important pillars of shedding: body fat, building lean muscle/toning up, and staying consistent even with a hectic schedule.

It is a program for some busy, time-strapped people that are still wanting to tone up, get healthier & who prioritize their health even around their crazy schedule!

I can attest to the fact that I am a busy man, who most times does not have the time to physically go to the gym but I know that I need help in keeping fit and the extra push when I don’t want to do it. Coach Montel helps with all of that in his program and it can be accessed as online training as well.

A take away for me from this program is that I can eat my favorite foods & still lose weight at the same time?

How does it do that?

It aids in better understanding the amount of calories you need to be eating to drop body fat, how many calories are in your favorite/ most frequently consumed foods in addition to planning your meals in advance.

It’s that simple. You don’t need to force yourself on a strict diet and be miserable. The program actually eases you into forming a healthy and sustainable lifestyle.

Check out the free e-book here and feel free to sign up and let them know that we, L’Homme Noir, sent you.

Montel Hardin is the Co-Founder & Head Fitness Coach at Hardin’s Fitness, and Co-Founder of the Hardin Real Estate Group.

Make Me Curl My Toes

Photo from www.meme-arsenal.com

Tell me what you want (how you want it?)
Ass up and face down (with the loving)
Baby let me know (when you need it)
Four-course meal, chopped down (when you eat it)
Make me curl my toes (toes)
What's the quickest way to turn you on?
Morning, middle of the night
Tell me what you want…

Lyrics from ‘Morning’ by Teyana Taylor ft. Kehlani

From the role of porn and the strength of libido (I still find this word extremely hilarious) to the importance of physical attractiveness and the desire to chase, popular culture paints a picture that doesn't always match the reality of what happens behind closed bedroom doors.

“The stereotype that we have in our society around men and sex is that men constantly are in the mood for sex and that they’re always interested,” says human sexuality expert, Sarah Hunter Murray. This vast extrapolation creates many problems in and outside of relationships, it dissuades

One of the keys, I believe, to getting and giving pleasure is to actually know your body inside out in addition to what you like as opposed to what you are taught to like or what you might have seen in porn. Touch and feel every part of being and make your own toes curl. It’s life most thrilling adventure. When you have taken that first step on this adventure, you can teach someone else to touch those pleasure points.

For a lot of men, their body is an immense pleasure machine that they’d like to enjoy at full throttle. Since orgasm is usually reliable and easy, a variety of sexual acts, positions, and rhythms have proven to be a fantastic way to explore and elevate their gratification. Every flirtation, smile, innuendo, shapely figure, or sexual image, whether fantasized or real, is a hit on the male brain. Their brainwaves spike with elation at the slightest experience of something (or someone) reminding them of sex.

I had a particular scenario where I was dating someone and it was hell to get them to a point where they were comfortable enough to open up (pun intended). Learning how to actually get them there did fucking number on my confidence, especially because I’ve never experienced anything or anyone like that before. Not trying to pat myself on the back or toot my own horn, but it is usually pretty easy for me to pleasure someone I am sexually interactive with and be able to tell, off the bat, that they are enjoying it. I say that all to say that there is also a mental game you have to play and a balance you have to find when it comes to sexual encounters. Popular culture shapes our relationships, can influence our opinions and can change the way we view ourselves. Don’t allow these stereotypes to influence your sex life in such a way that you lose yourself.

Meet The Blacks!

When I made the pronouncement to unapologetically say that anyone I form a long-lasting bond with, especially in the realm of a relationship, has to be black, people were looking at me crazy. Whilst I don’t owe anyone an explanation, I feel the need to detail my thoughts on the matter.

My entire life, I have been content with the notion that my life partner would be another black person. It’s not because I am incapable of forming relationships or seeing the beauty in different races or ethnicities, but there has always been one similarity that must exist between myself and anyone I plan to pursue. Especially if I am to entertain the idea of forming a lifelong companionship with them. That one characteristic is that we both have to be black.

Making unapologetic conscious choices around the intention of seeing the beauty in blackness is a daily practice of mine, especially in a world that has deemed my blackness to be ‘less than’ another human for generations. So, at least for me, it is impossible to create the type of cognitive dissonance needed to separate this ideal when pursuing my own interests, especially in who I allow myself to create this ‘lifelong companionship’ with, from every other choice I make revolving around the same ideal of pro-blackness. When I think about it at a deeper level, I feel like I place too much value in what it is I bring to companionships, even in the short term, to not be in control of at least the commonalities that coexist between me and my partner.

As humans, we have thankfully come to a point where we have a somewhat openness and the capability of loving who we choose to. However, I will always stress and stick to making a conscientious choice of pumping my time and energy into recognizing and appreciating the beauty in blackness.

As for me and my house, loving a black partner is in and of itself a form of self-love.

Flaunt It With PRIDE!

Many people today struggle with self actualisation and acceptance because of the box society expects and forces them to fit in. The reality is that humans are innately complex beings and as we move further into the information age, more people are realising that they have the option to create their own identities by making personalised boxes that adequately represents them. They create their own little boxes within society and do so as colourfully or as creatively as they please. Many have also found previously fabricated boxes and possibilities that they can comfortably associate themselves with. The aforementioned speaks of IDENTITY.

PRIDE for me, represents inclusion and is a celebration of diversity, difference and ultimately who we are. Pride is about living our lives with dignity, integrity, joy, courage, and in community with others without fear of being judged, discriminated or ultimately hurt for who we are or how we choose to identify.

My hope for the future is that it is truly and unabashedly QUEER. Queerness is evidence of more. It is a peek into the cauldron at the beginning of the universe (sorry I was binging Harry Potter). Evidence that we, in acting purportedly “against nature”, might ourselves expand it. It is evidence of the divine. Queerness is water from the stone, Lazarus from the depths, something from nothing.

Everywhere Is WAR!

Photo by Clay Banks on Unsplash

“Until the philosophy which holds one race superior and another inferior is finally and permanently discredited and abandoned, everywhere is war. And until there are no longer first-class and second-class citizens of any nation, until the colour of a man's skin is of no more significance than the colour of his eyes. And until the basic human rights are equally guaranteed to all without regard to race, there is war. And until that day, the dream of lasting peace, world citizenship, rule of international morality, will remain but a fleeting illusion to be pursued, but never attained... now everywhere is war.”

I was driving home today and heard on the radio that May 11, 2021, marks the 40th anniversary of the death of music legend, Bob Marley.

The above quote is by Haile Selassie I and was done at his address to the United Nations in 1963. His speech was then popularized by Bob Marley in the song “War” and functions as a timely reminder of issues we still struggle with today, especially when you look at not only the civil rights movements such as #BLM, the #StopAsianHate or the #PeaceInPalestine, in addition to the issues of divisiveness and strife we deal with in our own families.

I live in a country where the National Motto that most of us were beaten as children to remember, “Out of Many One People”, is not yet a lived reality, but still an aspiration. We simply have not yet attained that perfect society where no hierarchies exist. I mean, if we are being honest, perfection does not really exist but it seems as if we do not even try to come as close to it as we can AT ALLLL. In Jamaica, we have ‘second class’ and ‘first class citizenship’, in other words, the country still struggles extensively with classism. Then there is racism wreaking havoc in the form of colourism, where the lighter one's complexion is, the more status one tends to have or can attain, and the darker one's complexion is, the harder one has to work to prove their worth — what Caribbean sociologists refer to as a colour-class correlation.

Socialization within our families, schools and communities is responsible for the general shaping of social constructs but these constructs do not need to rule us. In fact, once you internalise them and come to believe them, they can have more power and influence over you than any of the hard sciences. As counter-intuitive as it may seem, social constructs can be more powerful and impactful on one's lived experiences than scientific reality.

Burying our head in the sand does not take away the fact that the society we find ourselves in has a variety of imperfections, way too many to count and that does way more harm than good. The fact that we ignore these issues causes greater issues for the generations to come. The problems need to be faced head-on, especially if we plan to achieve a society that is based on the principle that all people are equal and deserve equal rights and opportunities and has no amount or level of racism or classism will make our national motto a reality.

Please take an educated listen:

How's Your Mental Health?

“I know my destination but I’m just not there” - Daniel Caesar

Every day is something else. I often sit back and watch life rush pass me and there’s nothing I can do about it. Where do I go? What do I do? What am I to say? Who should I keep around? Who should I pretend doesn’t exist? There are so many questions I ask myself on a daily and it’s sad to say but I had not realised how emotionally taxing it has been. May is mental health awareness month and it is soon coming to a close. This does not mean that for the rest of the year you should allow your brain to become shambles. Your aim should always be to develop a better mental space so you can ensure you get the most out of this life before it’s my time to leave. 

I’ve noticed a few things that have been affecting my mental health and went in search of ways in which I can declutter and try to keep the space healthy. I decided to share them with you.

1. Loneliness

‘Loneliness’ is often interpreted as ‘being alone’ but the two terms are oftentimes far from similar. You can be alone and enjoy your own company or you may be in a gathering of a few people and still feel like there’s no one else there but you yourself. Knowing you have someone in your corner that you can always count on or call upon when needed is one of the safest spaces you can be in where you may be alone but not feel lonely, after all, the strongest drug we humans become hooked on is another human.

2. Past Experiences and Trauma

This may be the number one cause of most mental health issues. Experiences such as bullying, abuse, accidents, heartbreak, death of a loved one…etc all play a part in the shaping of ourselves. They often dictate how sociable we are and how we interact with our surroundings and the people in them. These terrifying events often cause constant nightmares, severe anxiety and uncontrollable heavy thoughts about the occurrence that places a damper on your day-to-day operations and by extent, our lives. 

3. Long Term Stress

Stress is inevitable and can present itself in varying ways throughout our lives. However, when it becomes prolonged and overwhelming it can lead to issues with mental health surrounding anxiety, muscle tension, depression and in some cases substance abuse.

4. Substance Abuse

Chronic drug use can lead to short and long term damage to the brain which often translates into mental health issues, especially when the user reaches the point of addiction.

5. Issues Sleeping

Sleep is necessary for our bodies to operate at the highest level possible and a lack of it can hinder that. A lack of sleep can increase stress levels which result from drowsiness, impaired judgement, issues with memory and concentration and tiredness, all of which are side effects of not getting enough sleep.

6. Rules created by society that dictate how your life should go

Society has a way of telling us who we are to be, where we should go and what we should and shouldn’t do. When we feel like we haven’t met these benchmarks that have been predetermined for us, we find ourselves feeling incomplete and inadequate because we have not fulfilled what we “should” have. We place so much emphasis on trying to please the world and everyone else that we forget ourselves and take away from ourselves, way more than we give. 

LET’S FIX THIS!!

1. Break from social media

Social media also plays a huge role in mental stability as through applications such as Instagram Twitter and Facebook, we are often fed lies about other people’s lives and fight so hard to match up to that what we see that we will do any and everything to get there and lose the basic essence of who we are in the process. Taking a break from social media can help to recenter your focus and remember your own goals with aim of trying to better yourself for you and not for the idea of matching up to the life of someone else.

2. Friendship Audits

Getting rid of those toxic people in your lives and setting boundaries where other people are concerned will help you to focus more on yourself and less on the problems and strain they bring to your life. This helps to better choose the crowd you belong to that will carry you to higher and better places rather than hold you back and break you down.

3. Therapy

Therapists are licensed and trained mental health professionals. They are well equipped to handle unhealthy emotions and thoughts and provide guidance through issues that may cause a strain on your mental space. I understand that many people don’t see the sense in talking to specialised therapists but from my personal experience, it beats having conversations with friends who give biased opinions on the issues presented and may cause you to feel worse about the situation you’re in. Everyone needs therapy, even the therapists themselves.

4. Sleep

That’s just it. SLEEP. This will help to increase productivity and performance, increase your mood, improve memory and cardiovascular health and rebalances hormones, all of which prove beneficial to your mental space. 

5. Find a hobby

Nothing beats occupying the time that you’d use to live in your mind with an activity you enjoy doing. Take a dance class, do some meditation or yoga, find a cooking class, read a book… anything to get you out of your head and into something fun and exhilarating that causes you to forget what has been lagging on your mind and focus on enjoying the moment.

Many people put their mental health on the back burner because it is not something that crosses their mind. Society doesn’t teach about the importance of a healthy mental space and so many people go through life with stress and depression without even knowing it. Following these steps may not completely eradicate the issues you may have but they will surely help to better your headspace. Give them a try.

Things To Consider Before Getting Into A Relationship

Photo by Michael Fenton on Unsplash

If you’ve previously been in a relationship, you know how much work it takes and if you haven’t be prepared for the journey. As much as we like to say we don’t need anyone, a lot of us do and I say this all the time, the strongest drug that exists isn’t an actual narcotic. It’s love. we get so high off love that we lose ourselves in the other person and get caught up in our relationships that we forget ourselves. Sounds amazing right? I’m sure you’re probably wondering why you aren’t in one right now but it’s important to note that, there’s a lot of preparation that needs to go into getting ready to share yourself with someone else. here are a few steps I’ve learnt along the way that have helped, and I HOPE would help with getting into new relationships:

#1. BEGIN WITH YOU

It’s easy to have certain expectations from a partner. We want others to mould our desires. From one’s interests to physical appearance, there happens to be a whole load of things people are “looking out” for. In addition to that, as I mentioned before, we often lose ourselves in relationships because we make everything about our partner. We miss out on so many opportunities and create the perfect person to suit the need of our partners that we begin lying to ourselves about who we are. STOP THAT. take some time to figure yourself out. Figure out who you are, what you want, what you like to eat, what you like to do for fun and learn these things for yourself. Not because you think this will make you likeable nor because you feel you HAVE TO. The only thing you HAVE TO do is prioritize yourself and ensure you are mentally and emotionally healed from any damage that may hinder a fruitful union and that you are stable enough to begin a new relationship. Find what it feels like to enjoy your own company so in the event a relationship does not work out and you are left alone, you won’t feel alone because you enjoy yourself.

#2. MAKE YOUR LIFE AMAZING FOR YOUR PARTNER

Now that you’ve prioritized yourself and established who you are and what you want, it’s time to do a bit of house cleaning. Be rid of those toxic traits you know are holding you back, you may just end up hurting yourself. Get yourself together, get a job, find a hobby to lessen the stress of life itself. Do things to make yourself genuinely happy. THERAPY can help immensely with this as it allows you to get your life in order to facilitate other people in it.

#3. PAST LEARNINGS CREATE AN AVENUE FOR A GOLDEN FUTURE

Mistakes are lessons in disguises. Learn from them. If it’s one thing I had to figure out the hard way, it’s that I can’t blame anyone else but myself for falling into the same trap more than once. At the same time, however, it’s important that you leave what is irrelevant from your past, in your past. That may sound a bit contradictory, I know, but in establishing the difference between lessons and trauma, you will be able to ensure that you move forward on the correct path without the additional and unnecessary baggage to hold you back.

#4. LEARN FROM THOSE AROUND YOU

Not all lessons have to come from your experiences. You must have, at someplace in your life, experienced someone else in a relationship. You’d have seen their operations, their behaviours and traits that you like and dislike and from those, you are able to establish what it is that you want and do not want for yourself and your partner in your next relationship. Use the information you get indirectly from those around you to make your relationship more comfortable.

#5. DIFFERENCES ARE INEVITABLE

Remember that two different people have two completely different personalities, needs, hobbies, ways of thinking and preferences. Learn to accept differences and find a way to meet others halfway, at a safe place that is feasible for both parties. Relationships often come with constant bickering so in figuring out ways to understand others and not feel like you always need to have the last say or be right, you will have more peaceful discussions that do not end up turning into disrespectful arguments.

No matter how difficult it gets, if you have the fundamentals set right, your relationship should be able to withstand the hardships that will most definitely come.

The above pointers will help you to strengthen your decisions and be well informed about what you are getting into while preparing yourself for the journey.

Good luck!

Year One Anniversary

A year ago, I sat down to write my first blog post. I found myself a bit quizzical when it was time to figure out where I should start. As a focusing activity, I decided to first write down the purpose of the blog and what I wanted to share with the world and maybe even add. I also thought about what I would have wanted to see on a blog and what was not readily available for me. I found that to be quite helpful in understanding how I should go about it and eventually, I ended up making that the basis of my first post.

So at the helm of the pandemic, I hit the publish button that evening and subsequently sent out a tweet from a page I made and then I went to bed. When I awoke the next morning, I was surprised to find six views and comments waiting for me, not to mention the others that came in later that day. In some ways, it was more exhilarating than publishing a first book; such tangible, instant feedback!

Since then, I have written at least one blog post per week for the past year. I am still in the process of finding my rhythm and style, but blogging has become part of my routine. My original purpose in blogging still holds, and I have personally benefited and grown as a result.

I just want to thank you ALL for taking the time to read my entries. Your support, kind comments and words of encouragement motivate me to keep writing and bringing you the best of my world and by extension, yours.

STAY BLACK AND PROTECT YOUR MAGIC!

Onward to year two of blogging!

Wellness 101: Move it! Move it! | Sponsored by MR PORTER

Photo by Freepik

The wellness movement is all the rage these days, and in my world, that is something to celebrate! It’s amazing to think that so many people are consciously making the choice and effort to be healthier, every day, especially in these times where everything is changing. It’s also important to focus on small and subtle changes that can easily improve your overall wellbeing.

I know. It’s hard. Getting started on your personal wellness journey can be overwhelming and daunting, especially given the state of the world we are trying to thrive in today. It seems far from simple, but living healthier lives does not have to be as hard or complicated as it may seem. MR PORTER helps this process to be much easier.

Maybe your country is still under a lockdown or maybe there is still some kind of work-from-home order still in place BUT it is still important that you include a little bit of exercise in your weekly routine, working your way up to daily. You don’t need to be lifting 100 pounds in a bench-press at the gym for it to count. Simply setting aside 10 minutes each week, to get active, until you can manage 10 minutes a day (or more) is enough to keep your body healthy. One of my favourite things to do in my free time whilst ticking off items on my to-do list and in between my lengthy and frequent zoom calls is a 10 minute workout which includes:

-          60 second jumping jacks.

-          60 second squat.

-          60 second burpees

-          60 seconds push ups

-          60 seconds lunges

To prepare my self, I keep my workout essentials close to my work area. These include my workout mat, my water bottle and my earphones that I never leave home without.

My mat is essential because it helps to cushion my body through different movement variations while providing traction to discourage slipping and falling. I’ve gone through a few workout mats but my current favourite is the one MR PORTER sent me, the By Japan Ikehiko Denim-Trimmed Igusa Tatami Yoga Mat. This is pretty durable and extremely comfortable. It’s made from Japanese Igusa; a fragrant plant that helps with relaxation and has air purifying properties so it encourages clearer breaths while ensuring I am comfortable.

We all know hydration is important, especially when working out as your body loses a lot of water through sweating. I like to ensure I have a bottle of water close by so I do not have to break my workout flow to run to the kitchen to grab a drink. I’ve been trying out the LARQ Purifying Water Bottle MR PORTER sent me and I must say, I am in love. As the name says, this bottle purifies the water in it, on its own, using UV LED light to eliminate 99.99% of contaminants, so there’s no need to purchase a separate filter. A simple charge via a USB port, once a month, helps to ensure you will always have clean water at your disposal. Oh! did I mention this bottle is made of stainless steel and is double insulated so it keeps its content cold for 24 hours and hot for 12 hours? I LOVE IT.

It’s been proven over and over again that music helps to improve workouts. Not only by decreasing boredom, but it helps to create a better atmosphere to complete your routine. Increasing stamina, lifting the mood, improving energy efficiency, all while also reducing blood pressure and mental stress are all benefits of listening to music while working out. My playlists and my Master & Dynamic MW07 PLUS True Wireless Acetate In-Ear Headphones are the last things my routine feels incomplete without. These in-ear headphones deliver clear sound, while allowing me to still hear my surroundings. It also has a 40-hour total play time and comes in a sleek and beautifully designed stainless steel carrying case that doubles as its charger. Did I mention it’s wireless? It fits perfectly in my ears and is adjustable using the included variety of ‘fit wings’ and I do not have to worry about them falling out. What more could I ask for in a pair of wireless headphones?

Below is an attached workout routine that I like to follow. Note that this is what I do because I’ve been doing it for a while but you can always do modified versions to suit where you are at and work your way up when you’re ready.

Working out just for ten minutes per day can increase cognitive function which makes working from home much easier and it also breaks up the monotony of the day in a very healthy cost-effective way.

Nowadays, I love to complete my workouts with yoga poses to help centre my energy and relax the mind and body to either get back to work or to take on any other task I may have.

MR PORTER is here to help build and simplify your wellness routines. It’s my go-to one-stop shop for all my wellness needs.

Panic Attacks, Anxiety, Emotions ... Mental Health Is Actually Vital

Photo by Nathan McDine on Unsplash

Okay, so hear me out - this is a follow-up to last week’s post.

Studies around the world show that men usually find it hard to talk about their mental health, even so, they are highly susceptible to attempt suicide as compared to women, this fact is according to studies done by the World Health Organisation. If we put the black man in this context and examine how look at how we are trained to think as the saviour and the tough warrior, this is just a recipe for disaster.

When you think about it, good mental health is almost as important as oxygen intake. You need to ensure you’re in a good mental state to survive, just as much as physical health. Various reasons however stop men from talking about their mental instability which transgresses to issues such as depression. Men are usually afraid to even take antidepressants, if prescribed, mostly because they do not want to be judged.

Men do not want to share their problems with a friend, much less a stranger, so they do not even think of visiting a therapist. With no expressive outlet nor treatment, these issues can not be adequately resolved and often progress into bigger issues, that can take longer be fixed. In addition to that toxic masculinity has fostered greater problems than we care to acknowledge.

According to the World Health Organization (WHO) report of 2018, men commit suicide three times more than women in high-income countries, so just imagine the numbers in third-world and low-income countries. Many mental health disorders are difficult to identify in black men especially because they hide them because they are socialized to do so. 1 in every 10 men is said to have experienced some sort of depression, and regardless of the staggering data, it is reported by the National Institute of Mental Health that the men are less likely to receive formal support in the past years as compared to the women.

It is reported by the researchers that men suffer different symptoms of similar mental health disorders as compared to women. For example, according to the specialists of the National Institute of Mental Health, most men usually hide their feelings of aggressiveness, irritability, and depression than women. It is important to note though, that as the years go by, just as much as there has been an increase in the number of people who have fallen victim to mental health issues as a result of social media and other factors, more people are understanding the importance of taking care of their cognitive space and setting things in place to deal with them.

So you see, the numbers are pretty high and I’m not saying prioritize the mental space of men only, but we need to work on building the men around us, and ensure they can see the world for what it should be and not what they were taught. This can help to build us to a place where we are able to see toxic masculinity and correct it which may, in turn, eradicate other issues that may follow.

Please note that is okay to just talk to a professional about how you feel if you are having challenges as it relates to your mental health and how you are feeling (if you are confused, it you are hurting, if you lost something or even someone - start with a couple sessions and see where it goes - please try to help yourself when you do by opening up. Below is a list of resources/persons to help you based on your location (you can refer others in the comments below):

1. TalkSpace App

2. Rose-Marie Voordou-Chang (Havendale, Jamaica)

3. Jhannille Brooks (Windsor Wellness Center, Jamaica)

4. Verol Billet (Morgan & Associates, Jamaica)

5. BlackMenHeal.Org (United States)

"Be A Man, Man!" said PTSD.

Photo by Nathan McDine on Unsplash

Sadly, history has seen society teaching men to hide their emotions, forcing them to “be a man” and pushed the narrative of toughing it out. “Don’t let them see your struggle and/or pain”, they say. Whether or not you agree with this history the reality is that this has led to many men experiencing Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). If you think that’s shocking, it’s actually more common in men than we dare to think; especially for those who have experienced profound events that have left life-changing results in their lives. 

There are a variety of situations that can result in PTSD in men. Such situations may include the absence of parental figures, abuse, the loss of a loved one, or accidents - literally anything which may foster emotional trauma. These events can change a man’s outlook on life and their response to the environment around them and those in it. PTSD in men often appears as aggressive and defensive displays of behavior or reactions, difficulty sleeping, frequent nightmares, depression, and distrustfulness which often relays as difficulty with operating in relationships. Additionally, many men also experience panic attacks. PTSD can spill over into suicidal thoughts and attempts or even the harming of others.  

It is important to note that what may not be profound for you may be extremely intense for someone else and vice-versa.

To cope, many men resort to the consumption of alcohol and other narcotics, which may offer some amount of relief but oftentimes worsens the situation. 

I carry a serious personal vengeance in my heart for this fellow called PTSD. Because of that fucker, a crucial piece of my life has been missing for years. It’s sad to say but I think my father has been dealing with it for well over 20 something years and its after-effects are more than heartbreaking. When I look at it from that angle, not only does PTSD hurt the person but it hurts their loved ones if not properly treated or taken care of. I stress this because there are not a lot of resources dedicated to the mental health fight specifically for men. 

…MEN DO NOT CRY RIGHT?! I felt the tears welling up. 

Shut the fuck up!! Bawl if you want to bawl! Depression isn’t worth it. Reliving traumatic experiences aren’t worth it. 

Considering all these symptoms of mental health issues, policymakers and mental health professionals should ensure that are men receiving appropriate care and support are feeling confident or comfortable in seeking support or not. They need to talk about men's mental health more openly. We experience that awkward sensation called emotions just as every other human on this earth does. And as sad as it is to say, we should be blamed as well. We’ve permitted our society to dictate who we should be for so long that we’ve lost the true essence of who we are by hiding it in the box with the rest of our emotions. Drowning it out with silence and scolding it when it makes itself present. 

I have a challenge for you this upcoming month. No! A dare! I dare you to allow yourself to FEEL all of APRIL. I know it seems much harder than it sounds but you won’t regret it. Leaving issues unresolved and on the back burner does a lot more harm than good. Allow yourself to confront your trauma and if needed, speak to someone about it. Preferably a mental health practitioner so you can fully delve into the issues in your life without fear of holding back. Then and only then will you be able to pull what is planted from the roots and discard it, or build yourself to a place where it does not affect you anymore. 

Suffering from mental illnesses in silence is never a good option and should never be one. If you’re reading this and you yourself or a friend or family member has recently suffered from a traumatic occurrence and is expressing symptoms such as the ones listed above, offer them support and as much as you possibly can. Sometimes a listening ear is all it takes, but most importantly, be patient. 

Boundaries Or Nah?

Photo by Michael Dziedzic on Unsplash

The word “boundary” can be a bit misleading. It conveys the idea of keeping yourself separate. But boundaries are actually connecting points since they provide healthy rules for navigating relationships, intimate or professional.

Setting boundaries is a part of loving yourself, you can’t set boundaries if you’re carrying around guilt about people feeling bad. The people pleaser mentality is going to make it difficult for one to draw the line and say this is where we don’t cross - expressing things like “these are the times you aren’t allowed to call me”, “these are the messages you’re not going to send me”, “these are the questions you’re not going to ask me” because we want people to feel comfy around us doesn’t mean we should accept anything that they have to offer. The book ‘Belonging’ by Brene Brown speaks to the human nature’s desire to feel a part of something and be welcomed and stay in the space - people pleasing comes about through this idea of belonging and staying into social circles etc. we want to have people think good things about us, when we tell them no we feel like in our mind the goal of belonging is sabotaged.

That is not true - it is an unhealthy way of viewing boundaries. A lot of that comes from the language that we use when setting boundaries, that is, rejection and aggression and that is one reason we feel bad about setting boundaries even with people who we love. This kind of approach pushes us to set weak boundaries or even give people a way to step over the boundaries anyway. Your boundaries are your needs. They don’t have to logically make sense to anyone else. Stop here and read that again.

Journey with me - come let’s go - pause, breathe!

Let’s think about your life as a plot of land - when one purchases a plot of land, a surveyor is usually hired to mark precisely the boundaries that surround the land not because they are rejecting the outside land but to mark exactly what is theirs to control and what is theirs to work on. This is to mark what exactly belongs to you so you can manipulate it to make it better and allow what you have to flourish. If we don’t know where the boundaries start and end in life, we will step into other people’s territory and do things that dishonor them and ourselves.

Boundaries tend to prevent squatting - persons who come onto your property and take up residence and feel as they can do as they feel. It’s hard but one needs to ensure they have extraction time for those squatters (see post on Friendship Audit), boundaries help with that. It first begins with knowing your plot of land and ensuring that it doesn’t go barren and that it bears fruit. 

It is never about the other person and it shouldn’t ever be. They’re given their own plot of land to tend to - it’s about what you NEED to ensure the space you occupy is in good order. There are things you need to put in place to ensure that this becomes a reality. Understand that you are not setting the boundary because you do not like what the other person has to offer but instead you want to set the terms on which they can offer the help. The same farming and land analogy can be used to illustrate this point - let’s say you want to plant some seeds; you look around for people who may be planting for a long time or their farm looks good - you can go and ask for guidance but they feel the need to take over and you end up learning nothing or you may even get uncomfortable with the situation and they take over your life (most times that’s our parents) - they love you but they feel the need to tell you what and what you should do with YOUR life. Their idea of “helping” you to figure out things is to come in and do it for you - tell you who to marry, who to date, when to have children, what church to attend… and the list goes on. BUT here is where boundaries become important because it allows you to filter what advice you need from whom - it won’t always be right but at the very least, you would have had the experience and you will learn.

Setting boundaries is a practice, these questions will help you to navigate setting them much better:

• Am I owning only my needs in this conversation?

Frame the conversation from a place of owning YOUR needs. The best and clearest way to do this is to make “I” statements. Avoid using “you” as much as possible.

• Am I framing the conversation as a discussion for both of us, or am I trying to control an outcome?

I recently helped a friend with this. She is looking to get into a serious relationship and has a fear around being hurt and rejected. The guy she is seeing wants to get intimate with her, and she wants to wait until they are committed.

• Am I saying this from a place of neediness, or from a place of love and respect for myself?

How do you feel after seeing her/spending time with her? Do you feel like you need to do something because you are “losing control?” That’s a sign you are self-sacrificing and trying to manipulate a situation.

At this point, it’s really ok to fuck up, especially at setting boundaries. We all make mistakes and overextend ourselves from time to time. The key is to move forward with forgiveness and learn from the mistake.

A Letter To The Little Man

Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

Dear LJ,

It’s me - I’m up here. You know, I feel like we should seriously have a heart to heart. All these years, you have known me to be the closest of everyone, but even now at 30, I feel like I don’t understand you. I mean, how many times does it happen? I start thinking that I finally got the hang of you and then you surprise me with something unexpected. I think that this letter will allow us to clear the air and get some much needed clarity.

Now, you gotta be wondering, what's going on? Why this sudden interest in chit chat when I haven't done this in years. But I mean why the fuck not? Now is as good a time as any. For 30 years have I been going on in this world, and we have been having fun for the last 17, give or take. Starting with those 'games' we used to play with the school teacher. Touching you in different places and then asking me if I am getting 'nervous'. Well that’s certainly one word for it. Man, the things done with that mouth bruuuh - well at that time, I thought I was in heaven. I think about that from time to time but is this payback though? There are times when it seems as if you just don’t want to work - I’m so confused? Are you tired? Talk to me. I wanna know what to prepare for in the next ten years or so.

You know what baffles me? When you won’t work with my brain the way you’re supposed to? Okay! I know I’m going to make serious moves **wink** I ensure that you are serviced because we can’t allow for anything to happen too quickly, right? But then, it’s like you still decide to do your own thing? What’s up with that?

WAIT! I have another BONE to pick with you. You would think that after all these years you would have some semblance of control over yourself. There I’ll be, driving my car, with some of my friends, listening to some good music and then bam! OUT OF NOWHERE! Now I gotta shift uncomfortably in my seat for the rest of the drive because you were getting hard as result of the bumpy drive. I mean is it too hard to imagine that you will ever learn to behave yourself and not embarrass me in front of everyone I know. GOSH! That’s too much to ask?!

And thennnnn, adding to that! You gotta go and behave like a teenager getting to second base every time someone rated 6 out of 10 comes your way - the stress. I mean, in the middle of church? In the middle… hmmm now that I think about it - I’d like to go there but c'mon man, you gotta have more control then that. 

I gotta tell you a secret man. I really can’t stay mad at you. Honestly, you are just waaaayyyy too much fun. They say once you go black you never go back and you always make them have a good time. 

Which brings me to my final question. The puss or the ass? This year started with a whole lot of confusion surrounding that for me. I know you are an ass-man but honestly, I don’t know. You see, it’s hard choice. They are both very warm and moist and inviting. And if you think about it, you really can go to town with that. When it comes to the ass though you really gotta take care of a lot of things. You gotta clean it up first. NOBODY wants shit on their dick. You gotta get some lube, at least if you want to see them again. You have to stay calm, take it slow and really gotta take care that you don’t hurt her. I mean you’ve gotta admit it. It is fun sometimes but on a whole, it’s just way too complicated.

Well, that’s all I think I wanted to say. It felt good. I’ve been meaning to do this for a while now. But hey, let me tell you, even though sometimes you really make my day way more difficult than it needs to be, I'm really glad I have you in my life.

Here's to another 30 years of way too much fun and getting in my way.

Sincerely,

Your Concerned Yet Grateful Life Partner

Calabash Bay Villa, Treasure Beach

Photo by JakesHotel.com

Since the COVID outbreak, many locals including myself, have been skeptical of international and local travel. COVID has pretty much changed how we vacay and go about doing things like celebrating birthdays. Get togethers and other celebrations have understandably become much more private and secluded events which has resulted in a rise in villa and hotel bookings.

A few weeks ago, I revisited the Treasure Beach area to celebrate my friend’s 30th birthday (if you remember from a previous blog entry, a few months ago I visited the Kotch Villa, in this same area).

Treasure Beach has rapidly become a travel destination, especially because staycationing has become the thing-to-do in the midst of this wild pandemic. Beautiful yet very low-key, Treasure Beach is located on the south coast of Jamaica, in the parish of St Elizabeth. It’s an entire world away- truly a slice of paradise.

We visited the Calabash Bay Villa, which is run by the famous Jake's Hotel and trust me! It lives up to its reputation! There’s excellent customer service, great food, and not to mention the beauty of the location. You can just sit back and relax while the staff does everything for you.

As part of the ‘new normal’, guests staying at the villa are required to do temperature checks and sign the Covid-19 compliance form.

The villa’s interiors exude tropical energy and chic decor. According to the website, the villa was recently renovated with polished black concrete floors; comfortable, modern and beachy furniture. The villa’s openness allows its visitors to experience the tropical and beachy ambiance. As you enter the front door you can see the enormous and very inviting pool. Additionally, before we got there, the staff decorated the place with balloons and birthday banners for us.

Inside the villa, there are four luxury en suite bedrooms, fully air-conditioned and can host up to eight people. The villa starts at $700 USD per night for up to eight persons. The master bathroom has a sunken soaking tub surrounded by gorgeous and lush green garden.

Two of the bedrooms open directly onto the pool area which is exceptionally beautiful at sunrise. You can’t help but to relax and enjoy the island breeze and views.

Outdoors, the villa has a large pool and lounge chairs. There’s a poolside dining area as well as steps that lead directly onto the beach. Oh, and did I mention the sunsets?

Features:

– Four bedrooms with ensuite bathrooms
– Multiple indoor & al fresco living/dining spaces
– Freshwater pool
– Outdoor shower & sunken tub
– A/C & ceiling fans
– Direct beach access
– Kayaks
– Wi-Fi
– Satellite TV
– Bluetooth-enabled stereo
– Staff of three (includes daily chef)
– Villa Concierge

Besides our pool party and the birthday dinner they heeded to our request for a bonfire on their private beach.

At this point I really have to ‘big up’ the staff who made our stay much more enjoyable than it would have been without them. Top class hospitality - Adrian (our concierge) who was there for us from booking, Davian who ensured everything was in order and tip top shape and Kaye (our cook) ensured everything was to our liking.

Thinking of a staycation? Why not do it in style? Enjoy the basic features of a hotel, but the privacy and intimacy of your own beautiful villa.

The Friendship Audit

Photo by Jessica Felicio on Unsplash

Conducting a detailed friendship audit means erasing toxic friends from your life or even demoting the ones you’ve held in a high esteem for a really long time - you know the ones who always seem to take but never add any value to your life, they may stunt growth or even create barriers to block this process. An audit of friendships has sort of become the new age social de-cluttering, the decision that leads towards a different, better life.

Trust me - you read right, I didn’t know such things existed either. But if you think about it, it makes perfect sense right? Sometimes too we need to reduce our friendship network to increase our friendship netWORTH and we all have that friend that weighs more than they lift, or that friend that takes way more than they give and its always good to sort that out. 

A few weeks ago, I found myself having a conversation with a friend who I now classify as family relating to past experiences encountered with persons I used to and still somewhat deem as ‘friends’. The points mentioned led me to start assessing the purpose of the people in my life that I currently interact with on that level and is what inspired the writing of this entry. 

Throughout our lives we meet people who we think we want to hold on to forever, but this grip often does more harm than good. Friends are supposed to help us to grow into the best versions of ourselves and offer each other support, when needed. In a friendship there should always honesty, trustworthiness, loyalty and love present and these go without saying. For me, a friendship is similar to that of a committed relationship without the intimacy that normally exists between lovers. And while I may understand that some people have different friends for different reasons, it’s important to understand and establish the depth of the relationship with that individual to avoid certain types of interactions. It’s also important to note that not because you’ve known someone for all your life means they should continue to stay in it. 

And sometimes, kicking someone out completely may not be the best option for you. You can still keep them around but at a distance and without the advantages they had before. This is where boundaries come in which we will explore in the future. 

While there are many reasons to conduct a friendship audit, these are the main characteristics to look for when trying to determine who should get the boot.

• Jealousy;

• Selfishness- not willing to reciprocate especially when they obviously can;

• Betrayal and Disloyalty;

• Mentally and Emotionally Taxing/Draining- unwilling to heed aid;

• Dishonesty;

• Invalidation;

Every now and then, I’d suggest you take a few moments and assess who in your life you actually consider true friends. Use the above characteristics to determine if these people fit into where you are now and where you want to go.

Section the people in your life in the following categories: Best friends, acquaintances, people I know, to be discarded and make a note as to why these are the categories they fall in. This will help you to decide who should stay or how they should stay and then you can tailor your interactions around this reality - you will learn who to really stick your neck out for and how doesn't deserve such a service.

Throughout the course of our lives, we learn that change is inevitable and with change comes the need for certain adjustments, especially with ourselves and the people and things around us. Conducting this audit may just be what you need to transition to that next phase in your life. 

Making Ends Meet Between Jobs? It Could Evolve Into a Business

Thousands of people are in a financial pickle due to COVID-19 job loss. Stimulus checks and unemployment benefits are helpful, but those who are between jobs are looking for ways to make consistent, lasting income. During this challenging time, those who are looking for work may find that they can earn money by using their existing skills. The gig economy is prospering, and it’s just a matter of finding your niche and putting your skills to work as a way to make ends meet. To learn more, read these tips courtesy of L’Homme Noir. 

Identifying Your Marketable Skills While Staying Afloat

Getting by when you are unemployed can be stressful and difficult. It may be worthwhile to reduce unnecessary spending temporarily by cutting back to a lower cell phone plan, getting rid of cable, and cutting back on take-out and other non-essentials. The Penny Hoarder offers brilliant tips on budgeting during coronavirus and ways to stretch funds and reduce monthly bills, including embracing frugality and developing a barebones budget plan.

In looking at ways to make money with your skills, consider the things you enjoy, as well as traditional work-related abilities. Often, people compartmentalize their skills as either work-related or being connected to hobbies and interests. Consider expanding your perception of marketable skills to include hobbies as these enable you to fuse your passions with potential cash flow — clearly a win-win.

Brainstorm money-making ideas and let the ideas flow without judgment, writing them down as you go. After you have completed your list, highlight the ones that seem most feasible, and envision ways you could use these skills for profit. For example, if you listed being organized as a skill, you may be able to use that talent to help business owners who need your strategies to improve their workflow or filing process. 

People can make money through the provision of goods or services. Do you enjoy baking or preparing meals? Perhaps starting a food prep business is within your reach. Using your skills as a pet groomer or starting a side hustle as a music instructor may bring you a steady income that could turn into a profitable business.

Starting Your Own Business

Self-employment is the epitome of the American dream, so if you are considering starting your own business, congratulations! As you think about your plan for the business, consider the way you will form it. This crucial step of the process will determine your personal liability, how you will pay taxes, and other important details. Many business owners choose to set themselves up as an S corporation because it establishes credibility and they can save on corporate taxes. ZenBusiness details how to start an S corp.

You can dive into this process independently, or you can hire an affordable online service for business formation. Business formation services make easy work of the many forms and documents needed and provide all the necessary paperwork your state requires. Hiring professionals in the field of business formation saves time, money, and aggravation — they do the footwork and provide you with all the documents you need. 

Financial struggles can send stress levels through the roof. If you are between jobs due to the coronavirus, there are ways you can earn money to make ends meet until you find a full-time job. You may even discover your true passion and develop a small business through your skills and talents. Keep the faith — this challenging time will pass. You can find peace and prosperity, and perhaps this journey will lead you to a lifelong dream of owning your own business.

Contributed by Lisa Walker of neighborhoodsprout.org