We have all been single at one point or another so you’d know that in the wake of a breakup, there’s an interim. Normally, in that time you hopefully take some time to heal if you need to. Maybe, you’ll grow a bit in areas where you felt it was necessary. But once all of that low key self-maintenance takes place and you’ve decided that you’re now ready to start dating again, a lingering thought presents itself and you starting thinking about how much a hassle dating can be.

Recently, I have noticed many ladies commenting on what a drag it is to go through the “getting to know phase”, AGAIN! I concur, it can be a drag, but here’s the deal:

When we start talking to someone new, there’s no promise that it’s going to work out. It’s a clean slate. We become so obsessed with looking for a bunch of things in the beginning just to see if someone is worth the time to get to know. We often ask ourselves, “does this person dress nicely?”, “am I actually attracted to them?”. “is this person a bird?”- well, I ask that question at least -shrugs- The point is, the list of questions is sometimes never-ending, but if we do meet that someone who passes those preliminary diagnostics, we then begin looking for that spark.

So you see, we normally dread the ‘getting to know’ process only with certain people.

We dread it in the beginning because of the uncertainty of things working out but, if we were ever to get that chemistry with someone, or if we ever found that spark with a person, it would surely change the game. What once felt like a daunting task, no longer feels that way. You would be more engaged now and the process now becomes a fun new group project where neither parties would be slacking.

That’s the hope at least right?

We hate the ‘getting to know’ process when we end up meeting people consistently who don’t spark our interest. Guys want to meet women they feel confident in showing a good time to and for men, our time is our money and we don’t want either wasted. Women, on the other hand (and correct me if I’m wrong), don’t want to invest their emotions into something only to find out that the guy is an asshole anyway. There could be other scenarios in their case as well, but at the end of the day, you can indeed combat the drag of getting to know someone in two ways:

Firstly, you need to open yourself up to dating again. -I know you wouldn’t have guessed that one- It doesn’t mean you have to put yourself out there. Some people get lucky and things may fall in your lap. But you must be willing to date in a general sense.

The second thing that has to happen is you have to meet someone you’re genuinely into. Personally, I don’t think you can have one without the other and if these two things happen, getting to know someone no longer becomes such a chore.

SO! Here’s to finding what and who we’re all looking for!

Is the getting to know process a drag for you too? How do you combat it?