One of the things I struggle with the most is self confidence and being assertive in a public setting. I can confess however, that though I have come a far way in the last couple of years, especially with the help of therapy (I can’t stress the need to have a relationship with a trained therapist enough) I still have an extensive journey ahead of me. Building one’s self confidence is, as far as I see it, an ongoing process and the need varies from person to person.

A lot of people, particularly men, are interested in upping their assertiveness skills but are unsure of what to do. This is particularly true for folks who need to be more direct in the workplace and in romantic relationships. I work in a very small company and have a very small group of friends and would identify as an ambivert leaning more towards an introvert, so this is something I struggle with as well.

Take this scenario in consideration:

You order an expensive steak at a restaurant, but when the waiter brings it to you it’s way over-cooked. When he asks, “How is everything?” you respond, “Fine,” while you glumly saw your charred hunk of meat.

This might boil down to the “nice guy syndrome” and a lot of us suffer from this “curse” but in a nutshell, assertiveness is an interpersonal skill in which you demonstrate healthy confidence and are able to stand up for yourself and your rights, while respecting the rights of others.

This all boils down to boundaries right? Right! But here are seven quick steps to kind of help you come across as assertive:

Always make eye contact.
No is an acceptable response.
Manipulation is a poor way approach to assertiveness.
Use “I” statements when you feel uncomfortable about how to navigate a “negative” situation.
The primary difference between assertiveness and aggressiveness is, standing up for yourself and your beliefs rather than being arrogant and attacking.
Peaceful disagreement is a thing.

I know this makes it sound easy, but for many being more assertive poses a heavy task. Try these steps and you’ll notice an improvement.