Growing up, I always thought well damn I can’t wait to be an adult and well shit my 20s would definitely be my favourite decade. One of my favourite TV shows of all time was “A Different World” - hands down one of the best television shows ever – period, full stop, end of sentence. Agreed? Agreed. Even though the ground-breaking show went off the air 23 years ago, its relevance and messages remain important today. One of the big issues was the transition from adolescence to adulthood and some of the lessons learnt along the way.

As I climb toward 30, life just seems to keep getting better. Partly due to me making a concerted effort to “not sweat the small stuff” especially those I cannot change and partly due to me finally accepting the fact that I am doing relatively well in life and just being proud of myself after being entirely too hard, finally! Either way, here are some of the lessons I learnt in my 20s:

1. Build strong friendships. Learn to compartmentalize your friends and to build strong relationships with the people that matter in your life. This should go without saying, but it's important to understand that some people are only good for a season and some people are only good for an occasion. But when you find a friend that is really important to you, make sure to treat them accordingly. It goes without say that you will lose people along the way and that’s completely healthy too – romantic breakups suck but friendship breakups? Shiiiid, that’s next level. Remember, it’s okay for songs to end, relationships to end, good movies to end.. everything isn’t meant to last forever and remember the end does not mean failure – there are always good memories and lessons learnt. Also, learn boundaries – even in family situations.

2. Embrace “I don’t know”. You don’t have to know all the answers to everything, nor do you have to pretend to. Accept that you're ignorant of a great many things, most things in fact. At this point, you've spent 90% of your life as a controlled, dependent child. You know very little. Most people think they have a premium on brains, that they see clearly and understand thoroughly. We don't. I don't know a lot of what I don't know. But I know how, whom and when to ask. This includes having mentors and reading at your fingertips.

3. Start a part time business. They say if you work less than 60 hours a week, you're weak. The aim of the game in your twenties is to find the thin balance between enjoying yourself and making money while at it (without racking up debt). Learn to be someone who can out work anyone programmed to only 40 hours a week, this way you will be able to put your mind to something (not someone) you love on the side. Always save the side hustle money and try to save at least 5% of your regular paycheck, don’t forget to enjoy that shit, you worked for it. The aim is to get financially free but also happy.

4. Don’t be afraid to shoot for the stars. I know too many people who are scared to pursue the “big” jobs. On a daily basis, I see people working low end jobs that require them to have as much or more knowledge than the person above them at the same company. But they never try to go for the “big” job. They’ll say things like, “I don’t want the extra stress” or “they don’t want to hire a young person for that position” or “they already have all the positions filled, I have to wait for something to come available”

**Fuck that**

Look for that job that you think is beyond your reach… then go and get it. When it starts to feel easy to you… rinse and repeat. If there are other places that have openings for what you want to do… then maybe that’s where you need to be. Otherwise you may be waiting for the rest of your life. And if you don’t want to deal with the stresses that come with a job… then you’re working in the wrong field. As a young black person, you may have to work harder… so do it. We can and should talk about fairness… but we can’t allow ourselves to be hindered by it. In fact… let those additional obstacles be a motivator for you. Better that than to let them deter you from fulfilling your dreams.

5. Get healthy! I started working out in my final year of my 20s and let me tell you that each day I wonder why the hell I didn’t start this a few years ago. The fact is that you’re getting older as the clock ticks and the body is not forgiving so you need to develop healthy lifestyles to stretch the time you have on this Earth. Making the money is fine but are you going to live to enjoy it? Try simple goals per month to ease into it. Workout for thirty minutes twice a week? Add one less spoon of sugar to your tea? Fast food only once a week? Make it a lifestyle and start now! Your body is your temple. Take care of it with the same fervour that you take care of your mind.

6. Try to be a motivator and mentor to others. Don’t let this consume you to the point where it becomes a hindrance… but there are many benefits to helping others that have to be experienced to fully understand.

7. Don’t get caught up in materialism. Find out what things and “stuff” will really make you happy and focus on them. Buying stuff to impress someone else is a no no.

8. Look for stability. You can’t achieve any of this if you live a chaotic lifestyle.

9. Experiment with your identity, your interests, your sexuality, your living areas, your friends, ethnicities. We don’t need negro photocopies. We need diversity within the culture. There is no monolithic Black culture, identity or hegemony to abide by. White Privilege, is lack of static, culture glomming together. They simply don’t believe they are one thing. They believe and try out being many things. Hellloooo? Freedom is lack of self-imposed stultification.

10. Think critically about everything. Learn to see as many alternatives as possible in events, people narratives. Note how all leaders are demonized. Therefore, that means most must fall into the middle. Never think you're smarter than anyone, in person or on TV or in the Oval office. They were smart enough to get there. Learn why and how and what tactics and skills you can gain. You don't have to agree to learn from someone. In fact, study those you disagree with most.