Happy Black History Month

Okay so it’s Black History Month and I feel like we need to put a few things into perspective, the first thing is that even if you live in a predominantly black country or city it is still important for you to take the time to reflect on the past, recognize the present and look forward to the possibilities - the impact of institutionalized racism is far reaching, there was a time when men and women who look like me and you could not hold certain priviledges that we enjoy today. It is always is not only about asking how can I remember and learn about black people and how far we have come, it is about all of us asking, “how can we love Black people by seeing them, hearing them, relishing in them and creating a world where Black people feel loved, inspired and protected?”

One of my faves, Langston Hughes (1901 - 1967) wrote this poem that was revited in me when I was younger and it speaks about dreams, whether it be dreams for our society or in our personal lives:

HARLEM

By Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up

like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore—

And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?

Or crust and sugar over—

like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags

like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

It is a short, terse and vigorously expressive poem that seeks to answer its own question via a series of images and the use of simile and metaphor - figurative language - and it presses on the imagination. Mr. Hughes is suggesting that this dream is already delayed and frustrated and that time is of the essence - this dream has to be fulfilled or else. The final line metaphorically sums up the whole notion of what can happen when an individual's or a people's dream fails to manifest in real time. Oppression, societal pressure, prejudice and historical baggage and other factors can play their part in denying the dream.

I feel like this Black History Month we should focus on those dreams for us as a people, the dreams we should refuse to let dry up and sag. The dreams that will give us work which may seem like a heavy ass load but we will let it result in sweetness instead of rotten meat so that the efforts of our forefathers may not be in vain and the sweet reward will be unearth by our future generation.

STAY BLACK & PROTECT YOUR MAGIC!

Top 4 Tips for Maintaining Your Self Care Routine

In these challenging times, we all could use a pick-me-up. The past few months of pandemic-induced stress have been none too kind and ensuring your body and mind are in tip-top shape maybe hasn’t been the immediate worry.

But that’s all changing now. Whether you are going to brave the world and explore some socially-distanced activities or you are still playing it safe at home, you want to look and feel your best. Here are some tips for keeping your routine above board:

Get your wardrobe right

Looking your best is certainly achievable even during the quarantine. You may not be able to get out to the department store to try on all the fashions, so let the fashions come to you. Online clothing stores and subscriptions aim to get a sense of your style and bring you name brands and comfortable outfits without having to leave your home. Stores like ASOS, Topman, Stitch Fix, and others can have you looking sharp. There are even subscription services that will send you t-shirts with various Irish pub-inspired designs every month.

Fill your home with light

Your home is your sanctuary, and you are spending a lot of time there nowadays. The environment can impact your emotional state, and how you interact with the world has a lot to do with your mental stability. In order to maintain a healthy outlook and help feel more positive in today’s stressful environment, try decluttering parts of your home a little at a time — get rid of extraneous objects, do some cleaning, and open a window to let in some fresh air. 

If negative energy abounds in your home, creating a vibrant area just for you to use as a decompression zone (by adding bright colors or decluttering the space) can act as a buffer between your mental health and those harsh vibes.

Get your body tight

Exercise has been shown to be beneficial for your mental wellness, as well. Physical and mental wellbeing are closely linked. In fact, many people who experience physical symptoms of tiredness, headache, or stomach cramps could be suffering from depression. Exercise can help men feel better mentally, live longer, and mitigate or prevent diseases like type 2 diabetes and certain cancers.

Perfecting your skincare routine should be part of getting your body right. Taking good care of your skin shouldn’t be something you only do when you have issues. A daily regimen of washing, moisturizing, and preventative measures can help stave off future problems, as well. Learn your skin type, wash your face in the morning and at night, and make sure you never, ever use bar soap for your face. And if you shave regularly, do a scrub of the area beforehand -- this removes dead skin cells and unclogs your pores.

Sustain your might

The food we eat has an impact on our mental health -- so you should make sure you are feeding your body with nutritional meals that also feed your mind. One way to improve mood via food is to increase your intake of Omega-3 fats (i.e., eat more fish), ingest more B vitamins, and watch the amount of sugar you consume. There is a connection between your emotional state and the amount of sugar in your blood; refined carbohydrates are often associated with depression.

The good news is: There are several foods that have been proven to fight depression. Avocados, for instance, contain a lot of good fat and no processed carbohydrates. In addition, a 2014 study found that people who eat a lot of fruits like berries and bananas, vegetables like sweet potatoes, and whole grains are 16 percent less likely to experience depression. Make a salad, an avocado-banana smoothie, or berry sauces to get those nutritious benefits!

The whole picture

Feeling good, looking good -- it’s all about where your comfort levels are. Good luck adventuring out into the world, or on your next Zoom social call. 

Visit L’Homme Noir for more engaging, intelligent content about what it’s like to be a Black man in the 21st century. 

Contributed by Lisa Walker of neighborhoodsprout.org

2021: New Year Resolutions

Photo by Juliette F on Unsplash

The year has just begun and you have been thinking about your new objectives and the changes you plan to make since the latter part of November. You have probably even written a list and attempted to discard old trinkets that trigger memories you wish would just go away. Sad to say, even though progress is at the top of your priorities list, life has a way of pushing you back ten steps when you’ve only taken two forward. You feel lost, school feels like more of a burden than a blessing, work is dragging you along by the hairs on your head (and if you’re bald it's clipping on to your scalp) and you're tired of being intoxicated by toxic relationships, be it friends, family or lover(s). You’re now desperate for some change. 

I’m sure by now you’re probably thinking, “why is he using my biography to attack me?” Continue reading…

You've probably tried everything you can throughout 2020 and it all seemed to have failed. You grew, but regressed and now you're wondering, “why is this happening and how did I even get here?”, to the point where it started to feel depressing; it weighs much more than you are capable of carrying any longer.

Stop. 

Let’s take a deep breath in, hold for about 5 seconds, and once you're through, take a look at the following and use them to begin that thing most plants seem to be great at: GROWTH.

Plan and prepare.

It’s important to note that everything won't always go how you want them to. Having a clear plan and sticking to it, often helps you to achieve what it is that you're yearning for. The plan can always be adjusted along the way. Just ensure you have it. This will help to reduce that feeling of being lost.  

-       This also applies to school. You can’t procrastinate and wait until the last minute to get assignments done or begin studying. That’s a breeding ground for failure and you can’t be disappointed by the undesired outcome of something you didn’t properly prepare for. Get a timetable, complete your assignments in advance of the due date, read before class so when the topic is being discussed you are able to gain deeper knowledge, participate in the class’ discussions so the content is easier to understand which would make revising for exams a breeze.

Get a new job.

That’s what you wanted to hear, right? Don’t tell your boss I told you to quit. Getting a new job doesn’t have to mean resigning. It can also mean changing your outlook on your current position or the environment. Going to work daily with pessimism and a bad vibe only causes you to feel worse. I’m not saying pretend to enjoy working in an office when your passion is art, but make your work environment an enjoyable experience. This will help to make going to work something to look forward to.

Let it go.

It’s illogical to hold on to something that you know will only cause you more harm than good (unless you’re into that type of thing). Think of it like this:

-       You’re sitting in a bar tightly holding a miniature nuclear bomb in the palm of your hand that's activated by body heat. What do you think is going to happen?

Okay fine. Maybe that analogy was a bit too extreme but you get the point. Not everyone comes into your life to stay. Even if they were born into it (blood relatives). Some people are presented to us, to teach us lessons, so we can move on to the next step and learn from prior mistakes in order to grow. 

Don’t get me wrong, I know it's hard. After all, the strongest drug that exists is another human. That's what Beyonce was implying when she said she was ‘drunk in love’. Get it now? 

Anyways, this may be one of the hardest things to do on this list, but seriously, let that thing or person go. Letting go doesn’t necessarily mean completely ridding them from your life. You can let a person go by distancing yourself from them and everything that has to do with them until you’ve healed from the damage they've helped to inflict (and I say help because toxic relationships happen from both ends). 

If you didn't know, peace of mind is more valuable than anything that's tearing you to pieces and situations have a way of bubbling over to the point where it completely takes over and/or disintegrates what was holding it together. These situations spill over into other areas of your life and I'm sure you know how that would play out. Don’t fall victim to it. 

While this isn’t all you can do, the above steps can serve as a good foundation to living a happier, mentally and emotionally healthier life without the added drama and turmoil.

You can thank me later.

Comment below your perspective and if you have any tips feel free to share. 

Fenty Skin vs Human Race

FENTY SKIN

Listen! Rihanna is a beast when it comes to anything - music, fashion, makeup - just business overall, now she’s launched a fairly new skincare line - Fenty Skin. I was - like half of the globe - hyped up to try it, so I did.

If you know me, you’d know I love a stylish aesthetic with a multifunctional formula and Fenty Skin delivers on both. The entire line features understated packaging in a purplish-grey colour. I can’t be bothered with using ten different bottles of things that you have to remember how many times per week to use. That’s just way too drama for me. I work a 9-5 and I go to the gym so I need something simple and effective that I can use twice a day. I’m a really simple guy.

So… I tried it and despite how minimal it is to extreme skincare enthusiasts, I almost immediately fell in love with the entire system. It’s safe to say that it even though it wasn’t all hype and it actually delivered real results that may benefit all skin types.

The set from Fenty Skin comes with:

STEP 1. The Total Cleans’r Remove It All Cleanser, $25.00

STEP 2. Fat Water Pore-Refining Toner Serum, $28.00

STEP 3. Hydra Vizor Invisible Moisturizer Broad Spectrum SPF 30 Sunscreen, $35.00

HUMANRACE

Pharrell Williams embodies agelessness and beauty, how does he do it? I remember watching some video and Pharrell said that using cold water was the best way of washing your face - years later I’m still doing that because just look at his skin - he must know what he’s talking about, right? Naturally, when Pharrell dropped his skincare line Human Race, it sold out immediately. I was one of the lucky few to get my hands on the entire three-piece set and as a skincare lover, I had to see how it measured up.

Like Fenty Skin, it’s a three-step system.

STEP 1. Rice Powder Cleanser, $32.00

STEP 2. Lotus Enzyme Exfoliator, $46.00

STEP 3. Humidifying Cream, $48.00

Now, while I thought the product itself did what it promised, I wasn't in love with the lack of lather in the cleanser because I tend to like them a bit more sudsy. I actually felt a burning or tingling sensation like I do with most glycolic acid (Alpha Hydroxy Acid) exfoliants. The product has 8% glycolic acid and 2% fruit enzymes, which are a gentler form of AHAs. The rice powder cleanser functions as a gentle exfoliant, so I’m wondering why he needed to include a separate exfoliant. On the other hand, I loved the whipped texture of the moisturizer. It’s of a heavier consistency which makes it ideal to treat and dry spots but it is also light enough for oilier skinned folks like myself. It’s perfect for night time use to prevent trans epidermal water loss while we sleep. I do wish he included an SPF for daytime use, however.

Next Stop on the Skincare Journey: CEYLON: The Skincare Brand Made for Men of Color. What’s your take on FENTYSKIN and Humanrace?

New Year, New Me! AGAIN?!

Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash

We have been encouraged to believe that each new year marks the beginning of newness but does it really? Or is that something that was created by a pessimistic fool who saw his failure as a sign to stop chasing what he really wanted and put it off until the following year?

It’s officially the first day of 2021 and we’d think that we just went through the worst year of the 21st century, if you’re being honest, 2020 would be really hard to beat. If you’re reading this, that means you’ve survived and you’re well, much better off than many others who haven’t lived to experience what some people call a blessing and others a curse, i.e., another shot at living. This is a new year to try and be better, do better, live, experience contentment, find love, travel the world, be true to you - however that manifests in your mind. Cliché as it is, the new year shouldn’t be about starting over or forcing yourself to be someone you’re not. The change of that last digit you write or say when you’re noting the date doesn’t signal the start of a new beginning.  

There are simple things to keep in the back of your mind that will ultimate effect LASTING change - which is what is important. Change your perspective and the outcome along with your emotions will also change. SO STOP! Rid yourself of the mental noise and listen. There’s a faint voice screaming in both your head and your heart and it’s telling you to BE. Simple right?

Existing is never enough!

There are a lot of us here! Many of us, passionate about the same things, trying to achieve the same things, do the same things, be the same, live the same lives so what makes you unique? 

BE-ing is assessing who you were, honing who you currently are, and building on who you want to be. We were each created as different beings, each person capable of doing extraordinary things. Believe it or not, even though we all may have similar talents and passions, we all have something innately different that makes us forces to be reckoned with. So listen to what your heart tells you and run after what it desires and if you hurt yourself in the process, brush off and try again. Society teaches us to stop if it’s not working and that if it doesn’t, then it isn’t yours. But as a wise man once told me, WHAT IS FI YUH, CAN NOT BE UN FI YUH, translated as ‘what is meant for you, will always be for you and nothing will ever change that’. The only thing in your way is yourself. -I really should be telling myself this too- Stop defeating yourself before you’ve actually tried. Stop telling yourself you can’t. Stop asking for the opinions of others so that you can be true to yourself and act purely from your own intuition. You are you and you are here for a reason, so JUST BE. The new year doesn’t mean you have to change your outlook, force yourself to try something else, or be someone else. Be you and see it through. Yes. It’s a new year and I hope you’ve learned from the last and have experienced enough to help you through this one. But to reiterate, a new year does not mark a new beginning for your life, it marks the continuity of growth and flourishing. Prosperity is yours for the taking. I wish you further success in your failures as that is how we truly learn. I hope you become a step closer to your dreams and happiness. There are great things in store for you but you’ll never be able to get them by watching them go by.

Have a fruitful new year and whatever is it that you can’t come to find yourself not dreaming off, chase it. Redirect your perception as this life, is yours and a new year does not change that. 

What Christmas Means To Me, My Love.

Photo by Алсу Ягудина on Unsplash

Christmas means having Christmas trees,

Opening presents, watching Christmas movies,

But most of all I like being with family.

We gather around the tree

Aunts and uncles smiling at me,

Moms and Dads talking,

Grandparents greeting and laughing and obviously,

Kids and cousins opening!

That’s what Christmas means to me!

I know Christmas can sometimes be crazy and chaotic, but it often flourishes into something beautiful. We’ve placed so much emphasis on the holiday that it has become one of the most meaningful time of the year. Every year, I look forward to listening to Christmas carols- without being looked at weird- and decorating the pine tree (even though I’m allergic to it) with the most elaborate and shiny ornaments I can find. I think what warms my heart the most however, is the time spent with family and friends. Maybe what causes me to enjoy this time of year so much is the exchange of joy and euphoria between myself and the people around me.

When I was a child, I can remember making wishlists from skimming though the internet to find what appealed to me the most and I would get so excited when I saw boxes set under the tree. I prayed the most gifts and biggest boxes were mine, hoping what I had written down was in them. I would shake the wrapped presents, impatient to find out what I was gifted.

Now, I didn’t always get what I wanted but I got WAY MORE than I NEEDED and for that alone I am grateful. I’m appreciative of what I’ve received as I am well aware many people weren’t in the same position I was in or that I am in now.

I’ve said all of this to say, what’s most important is being able to spend time with those that matter the most to us and that is the greatest gift of all. To me, Christmas serves as a reminder that I should be thankful and appreciative of who I am, where I am coming from and what I have.

What does Christmas mean to you?

Was University Necessary?

Photo by Cassandra Hamer on Unsplash

After high school I went to university. Shocking! I know! But why? Did I really have a choice? My parents made it known that if I didn’t go then I was basiclly on my own and seeing that I had the resources and grades at my disposal, so I agreed and went. Initially, I wanted to do medicine but when I realized that that path wasn’t working for me, I changed my major to Marine Biology. Surprisingly, I enjoyed the program and ended up graduating with that degree.

Now, have I used the degree since? NO! Not at all. Funnily, I am now an entrpreneur and a finance manager.

Which leads me to the question, was university really necessary?

I’ll let you decide.

Success is different for all of us. We all have different dreams, goals and aspirations. The truth of the matter is, some people have been born with what I term as 'that something extra'. They have been quoted already in a plethora of books and big awards. Names that have made it BIG in the world of business, and art and science. Did they all go to university? NO! But they all possess some kind of entrepreneurship that makes them successful without the need to study at great length.

But these are few and far between in life. These success stories are not the run of the mill stories. The truth is today for the 'usual person with usual success ideas', it’s a highly competitive world and the one who has the most education is the one that is likely to get to the post first (I am not saying that others will not get there with tenacity and hard work but the others that have better opportunities usually get the first shots at the goal).

What I am trying to say is, university isn’t entirely necessary BUUTTTT!!!!!!! It is truly advisable if your aim is to reach certain heights in life.

Do I Really Have To Start Over? AGAIN?

Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash

We have all been single at one point or another so you’d know that in the wake of a breakup, there’s an interim. Normally, in that time you hopefully take some time to heal if you need to. Maybe, you’ll grow a bit in areas where you felt it was necessary. But once all of that low key self-maintenance takes place and you’ve decided that you’re now ready to start dating again, a lingering thought presents itself and you starting thinking about how much a hassle dating can be.

Recently, I have noticed many ladies commenting on what a drag it is to go through the “getting to know phase”, AGAIN! I concur, it can be a drag, but here’s the deal:

When we start talking to someone new, there’s no promise that it’s going to work out. It’s a clean slate. We become so obsessed with looking for a bunch of things in the beginning just to see if someone is worth the time to get to know. We often ask ourselves, “does this person dress nicely?”, “am I actually attracted to them?”. “is this person a bird?”- well, I ask that question at least -shrugs- The point is, the list of questions is sometimes never-ending, but if we do meet that someone who passes those preliminary diagnostics, we then begin looking for that spark.

So you see, we normally dread the ‘getting to know’ process only with certain people.

We dread it in the beginning because of the uncertainty of things working out but, if we were ever to get that chemistry with someone, or if we ever found that spark with a person, it would surely change the game. What once felt like a daunting task, no longer feels that way. You would be more engaged now and the process now becomes a fun new group project where neither parties would be slacking.

That’s the hope at least right?

We hate the ‘getting to know’ process when we end up meeting people consistently who don’t spark our interest. Guys want to meet women they feel confident in showing a good time to and for men, our time is our money and we don’t want either wasted. Women, on the other hand (and correct me if I’m wrong), don’t want to invest their emotions into something only to find out that the guy is an asshole anyway. There could be other scenarios in their case as well, but at the end of the day, you can indeed combat the drag of getting to know someone in two ways:

Firstly, you need to open yourself up to dating again. -I know you wouldn’t have guessed that one- It doesn’t mean you have to put yourself out there. Some people get lucky and things may fall in your lap. But you must be willing to date in a general sense.

The second thing that has to happen is you have to meet someone you’re genuinely into. Personally, I don’t think you can have one without the other and if these two things happen, getting to know someone no longer becomes such a chore.

SO! Here’s to finding what and who we’re all looking for! 

Is the getting to know process a drag for you too? How do you combat it?

Are You Depressed Or Are You A Whimp?

Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

Being a man means being strong and silent in the face of adversity. Unfortunately, such an unrealistic standard means that many men are poorly equipped to cope with depression.

The truth is anyone can become depressed, but men often express it differently than women, attempting to hide or blame others for it. 

A few signs of depression in men may include:

• Fatigue

• Irritability

• Anger (sometimes abusive)

• Loss of interest in work or hobbies

• Sleep disturbances (insomnia, oversleeping)

• Overwork

• Risky behavior

• Substance abuse

• Persistent sadness

• Anxiety

• Loss of concentration

• Difficulty making decisions

• Poor memory

• Appetite or weight changes

• Persistent physical problems (pain, nausea, headaches)

On the plus side depression is treatable. You are not a wimp—and you are not alone. If you think you may be depressed, your first positive step should be to see your doctor, who can rule out other illnesses that may be causing a change in your mood or outlook. She/He may prescribe an anti-depressant, or refer you to a mental health professional for counseling.

But bare in mind, there are things you can do on your own, as well. Research has shown that getting regular exercise is helpful in controlling depression. So is sticking to a regular sleep schedule, eating a nutritious, healthy diet, and avoiding alcohol. Each of these steps may lift your mood and make you feel more positive about yourself and life.

Jesus Is My Homeboy But I HATE His House

Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

I would never let go of Jesus, but I have some issues with His “house”. It is important that I first establish that salvation is based on believing in Jesus and not on Church attendance - I know a lot of people don’t want to hear that.

I am just going to list some of my concerns with the organized church:

Addiction to Tradition

For any movement to maintain stability and organization there must be a stable set of rules and in the case of the church, doctrine, to guide it. This often results in the traditions that were typically used at a point in time to keep the body together gaining sacred status.

Spiritual Pride

It is natural for there to be a leader of the organized church. Unfortunately, it is often the case that those given the responsibility to serve the flock end up thinking that the flock is to serve them. They end up letting the opportunity to lead get to their head and their attitude becomes very ungodly.

A Substitute to Salvation

To get members to the house of worship, tactics and jargon are often used that causes many to believe that going to the building is salvific. This leads many church members to develop somewhat of a judgmental eye for those who do not frequently come to the building.

I love Jesus, but I am often disappointed in the people that “lead” in His name. What I am glad for is that salvation is a gift from Jesus, and no one can take it away from me as long as I live for Him. (John 14:6; John 10:28).

Kotch Villa, Treasure Beach

Kotch Villa

Kotch Villa

Located on Jamaica’s south coast in the parish of St Elizabeth, Kotch is a beachfront villa nestled comfortably in the fishing village of Treasure Beach. The villa consists of separate living and bedrooms spaces housing comfortably ten adults, with views of the Caribbean Sea, the living and dining room combo in the Ocean Front Eco Lux suite (my favourite) opens to a comfortable outdoor patio.

It was my friend’s birthday so as I group we decided to stay at Kotch. The experience with Jodi-Ann (booking agent) even prior to arriving was amazing, she assisted us with everything and ensured we had all we needed for the stay. With COVID still a big part of our lives, they have all the protocols in place to preserve our safety.

The pictures you’ll see does this place no justice; everything looks exactly as advertised, even better. The views were simply breath taking, waking up to the views and sounds of the ocean from any bedroom on property. The villa was very spacious for all ten of us, there were three floors which allowed us to be very private yet very close to each other at the same time. John, the caretaker tended to our every need from the time we stepped in, we even had an issue with a flat tyre, and he went ahead and dealt with it without us even asking. The cooks were very sweet and attentive, and they helped us getting directions around the area with all the activities we had planned. We felt safe, the areas were always clean, there were literally no complaints.

To book click here.

Appleton Rum Tour

We had an activity filled weekend lined up, so we began by going to The Appleton Rum Tour. No doubt Jamaica has some of the best rum in the world.  The Appleton Estate Tour gives you an exclusive tour of an iconic part of Jamaica’s history and rich culture, Appleton is literally one of my favourite drinks of all time especially the reserve with some cranberry juice? *chef’s kiss*

The Estate is in Nassau Valley in the parish of St. Elizabeth, not too far from our villa in Treasure Beach. If you love rum, you will have a great time on this tour – guaranteed!  The guides are very knowledgeable, funny and engaging.

Upon entering The Appleton Estate, you will notice the grounds and buildings are beautiful and well maintained.  First, you are taken to the reception area and offered complimentary rum punch – if you’re a tourist then you need this to experience a real rum punch.

On the tour you’ll learn the historic production process of Appleton Estates’ Rums. You will see earlier methods used to remove juice from sugarcane, learn about the distillation process in their 200-year-old pot stills and visit one of the Estate’s barrel houses where rums age to excellence. Throughout the tour you get to taste molasses and freshly squeezed sugar cane juice also the actual sugarcane itself.

Fresh Sugar Cane.

The drinks are non-stop! THE LONGER YOU STAY, THE MORE DRUNK YOU GET!

The heat is literally no joke so ensure you wear cool clothing. The cost for the tour with lunch is $25.00 USD.

Pelican Bar

After the festivities Saturday night at the villa, we packed up our things to leave the beautiful Treasure Beach but before we did, we decided to check out Pelican Bar. Literally a hut, made from scrap wood and built on a sandbar, Pelican Bar serves beers and seafood, it is literally just a hangout in the middle of the sea. Built by a fisherman named Floyd in 2001, Pelican Bar was at first just meant for Floyd’s fishing buddies—but it quickly became known as one of the best beach bars in the world. 

The bar is situated one mile from the closest coastline and to get there we contacted Portia who owns a boat and that took us. It was $1,200.00 JMD roundtrip per person. The food there was expensive for us as locals but we had it, the food ranged from $3,000.00 JMD up for chicken, fish, shrimp and lobster.

To Shave or Not? Deux.

Photo by Supply on Unsplash

So, in the last post, we touched on the importance of manscaping and some techniques use to get rid of excess body hair.

It seems the modern man has become a manscaping man or at the very least - he should be. After all, it’s a manscaping world, and we’re just living in it! But besides looking and feeling good, manscaping helps to create a healthy body-atmosphere because it helps to decrease sweating (and I sweat a lot so I can attest to that) in addition to make bedroom shenanigans spicier- you can thank me later.

I honestly hate time consuming and annoying grooming methods and I’m sure many of you can attest to that. I much preferred the quick on and off process of slathering on Nair for Men, waiting 12 minutes and then washing it off- and just like that I’m SMOOOTH! But days later, I would have inflammation, ingrown hairs and excessive itching to deal with in addition to worrying about the side effects on my balls. With all of that to think about, I decided to try Manscaped.

Hearing all the buzz about it, I went on their website and purchased the performance package which includes the Lawn Mower 3.0, the Weed Wacker for nose and ear hair, a pair of branded Manscaped boxer briefs, their Crop Reviver and Crop Preserver which are a pH balancing toner and deodorant, respectively, for the male genital area and the Magic Mat for the hair to fall on (you don’t need the entire package, you can just buy the trimmer). Opening the box brought excitement with it when I saw the very sleek design. Right away, I was impressed and couldn’t wait to try it. The matte black machine that sits comfortably into my hands was accompanied by a modern designed charging stand along with a razor they named, that looks great on my bathroom counter top.

Fully charged and with the trimmer guard adjusted, I began manscaping. I must say, I was worried about having hair my pulled during the process and nipping especially around the scrotal area in addition to the inflammation post-shaving. I have had these issues with many trimmers prior to trying this one and I can confidently say, none of those issues were found with the Lawn Mower 3.0!

I would highly recommend this to any and every man in need of a hood tool to mow their lawns. The team at Manscaped ensured that this experience wouldn’t be as dreadful as it usual so GREAT JOB guys. You have a devoted customer. Keep up the good work.

Studies show that a confident man is more successful than a man low on confidence. Let manscaping be your way of life. Embrace this practice and enjoy living a more fulfilled, confident, happier, and healthier life.

To Shave or Not?

Photo by Supply on Unsplash

So, you’ve decided to give manscaping a try? Good for you! There are several popular techniques to get rid of excess body hair on a men today. Apart from the traditional razor blades and trimmers, a lot of men resort to more aggressive techniques such as electrolysis, laser treatment and bro-zilian waxes…etc.

Nowadays, more men are picking up the razor to shave their body hair and for good reasons too. Some include:

• Better personal hygiene

• To lessen or eradicate body odour

• To be more aesthetically pleasing to the eyes

• To improve athletic performance

Typically in the Sport and Fitness worlds, it is more common for male body hair to be kept in check as it can improve performance and show off hard earned muscle definition. So it total, how much body hair do men have? Well, recent studies have shown that over half of young men are deciding to remove body hair - possibly attributed to reality TV and media promoting smooth muscular physiques as desirable. Although male body hair removal is nothing new, evidence suggests even Ancient Greeks, Romans and Egyptians were also fans of manscaping.

Let’s get a few facts out of the way first.

Does shaving body hair protect against body odour?

The simple answer is yes, shaving body hair can help reduce body odour! Underarm hair is a wonderful breeding ground for bacteria, which thrive under the protective cover of the body hair, boosting the smell of perspiration as a result. But it isn't the sweat itself that pongs. The bacteria on your skin is actually what breaks down in the sweat, which creates the unpleasant smell. The bottom line is this: shaving armpits and body hair leads to less bacteria and a more pleasant smell.

What is the purpose of male body hair anyway?

Back in the Stone Age when men were hunter-gatherers, long before the days of body shaving, body hair had a range of different purposes: from keeping warm to proof of sexual maturity. Today, our perception has changed in this regard, and although body hair may help to regulate body temperature during sport by catching sweat and helping it to evaporate, the overall differences are minimal. Therefore, there's no need to worry about body shaving to remove the fuzz, if that's your preference. But not all body hair is useless - eyelashes and eyebrows still play a vital role, and nose and ear hair can be trimmed but not removed.

S Hotel Review

I’m sure you’ve heard it from the airline attendants “if the plane hits turbulence and the oxygen masks come down, place a mask on yourself first before turning to help others. This is absolutely critical. If we don’t, we may not be able to help anyone.” At this point of the pandemic I literally felt as though I hit some turbulence and I needed some time away from the walls of my apartment to relax, breathe and recharge.

Being one who prefers a short and spicy vacation - I just need enough time to unravel and unwind then get back to reality - by that usually my budget is done anyway lol. Last weekend, I planned a solo staycation just to relax and get out of Kingston and keep my mind off this horrible pandemic that has been riling up my anxiety.

I booked a stay at S Hotel in Montego Bay. Arriving in the COVID pandemic and despite the adversity, the staff made sure I had a wonderful time. They were also very thorough about mask wearing (whilst traversing public areas, not needed at pool, beach, whilst dining etc.) temperature checks and hand sanitizing every few steps.

There are two gorgeous pools (one downstairs and one on the top floor), beach adjoining (Doctor’s Cave) and location (on the Montego Bay Hip Strip). Highly recommend the ocean-view suites - spacious with lovely balcony.

View from my room.

Sitting by the poolside, peep my mask to the side.

On a plus side for someone like me, the hotel was really empty. So I wasn’t faced too much with the issue of thinking that I might contract the virus from another guest.

The beds in the room were very soft and smelled fresh, the suite was so spacious (I did do laps running around it. Why? Because I could).

In the Room.

Jacuzzi.

I got 25% off spa services which I used and I enjoyed my treatment. I did a coffee coconut body scrub and a full body massage. I also did a flash facial and a manicure and pedicure.

Waiting Area.

The infinity pool was so worth it even though the roof top bar was closed you could call downstairs to order drinks and they would have someone carry it up for you. It is important to note that the resort is not all inclusive - we are really spoiled by that offering in Jamaica but they do offer a cashless system - so for meals, the spa or by the bar you just tell them your room number and pay the bill at checkout. I may have stayed in the pool till my fingers went wrinkly… #ItWasWorthIt.

Views from the Infinity Pool

The view of Doctor’s Cave Beach from up there was amazing and I felt like I was whisked off somewhere entirely different from the stresses of life as it were. There is free entrance to the beach from the property so I lay on the beach just before checkout on Sunday.

My only issue was with the food offerings - this was very limited even though items from the menu were inclusive, the paid menu was extremely limited as well.

I didn’t regret checking in, go and enjoy!

Faith Where?

Photo by Samantha Sophia on Unsplash

I scrolled through Twitter earlier and I was greeted by a lot of responses to like faith and religion, this conversation came from someone asking, ‘What does ‘Faith’ mean to you?’

Faith literally means believing in someone or some idea without any logical proof or rationale. The belief should be unshakable and strong to be classified as Faith. If it is swaying with mood, then it’s just another thought in your thought producing factory – ‘brain’.

Before I continue I have to admit that I grew up in church, I had bad experiences dealing with people within the church community because of varying reasons but I did not have traumatic experiences thankfully unlike a lot of my peers. Those acts, are usually illegal, and outright wrong and nasty, I condemn then and I hope that those will be unearth and dealt with. I am also not blind that a lot people hide their trauma behind religion and there is a lot of hypocrisy and unrealistic expectations.

My issue though comes from people attacking religion and not attacking the people who hide behind religion. I wouldn’t call myself a Christian as I don’t know if I believe some things that the organized religion of Christianity believe but I do believe in God. People may have the assumption that because you believe in God that means you agree with all the wrongs that Christians have done in the past and the horrible ones existing today. To me it is much more complicated than that, I compare it to that of family (since Christians is known as the family of God) – when you are a part of a family, there are good family members, there are bad family members, there are horrible ideologies and viewpoints within family and there are really progressive views. There is no ‘organized’ structure that is fool proof and completely right in my eyes – usually the best results are had when it is put together by the person experiencing it first-hand, no one size fits all. Knowing for yourself what you believe and ascribe to is essential for giving your life direction even if it doesn’t include a religious affiliation.  

Faith to me means the ability to keep going irrespective of the obstacles. Yes, religions have given it a different meaning but if you think deeper, you would realise it’s probably pretty much all the same.

You know you are going to be alive the next moment/second. Every breath you inhale and exhale, is an assurity that you are alive, but there are people who don't get to have the next breath, they die.

We, who were born and are destined to die live on faith (knowingly or unknowingly), whether you like it or not is what keeps us going – you literally make plans for a future you are not promised. The sad fact is that when one hears the word faith, it is tied to religion. It basically means to not give up, which I had mentioned earlier in the answer.

Faith means that in my mind, everything is going to be okay in the end. That doesn’t EVER mean that things always happen when or the way we want them to but the fact that you will be okay with what happens. That you WILL make it through. Life is hard and not fair and it’s like that for a reason. If it was easy then we wouldn’t be able to learn and grow into better people. Having faith gets you through your trials and after the trial you choose how you learn from it. You choose for it to make you better or bitter.

Up, You Might Race, Accomplish What You Will!

Photo by Google Photos

“There is no future for a people who deny their past. My Foreparents, My Grandparents, My Mother, My Father did not suffer and die to give me an education to slight, oppress or discourage my people. Whatsoever education I acquired out of their sacrifice of over 300 years, I shall use for the salvation of the 400 million Black people of the world. And the DAY when I forsake my people; may GOD Almighty say, “there shall be no more life for you.”

— Excerpt from “Look for me in the Worldwind”

Today, we honour the memory and pay tribute to the life and work of Jamaica’s first national hero, the Rt. Excellent Marcus Mosiah Garvey, on the 133rd anniversary of his birth.

Marcus Garvey preached prosperity, recognizing that social and economic advancement were key to improving the conditions of black people. He was of the view that upward mobility would only come through our own efforts which is one of the reasons he is my favourite national hero. His message transcended his own country of Jamaica and reached many black people around the globe.

I decided to compile a few lessons I have learnt from Garvey to share with you:

"Any leadership that teaches you to depend on another race is a leadership that will enslave you" 

We can see the implications of white supremacy today where is there is a belief that white people are superior to those of other race and therefore should be dominant over them. White supremacy has roots in what was deemed as “scientific racism” and was a big reason behind the African Slave Trade. Garvey was determined to dismantle white supremacy and achieve black equality through separation, his rationale was that any race that felt the need to make you dependent on them was in and of itself an extension of slavery without using that term. We have come a far way but there are still strong remnants of it today.

“A people without the knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots.”

Garvey’s view was to read history incessantly until you master it. This means your own national history, the history of the world, social history, industrial history, and the history of the different sciences; but primarily, the history of man. If you do not know what went on before you came here and what is happening at the time you live, but away from you, you will not know the world and will be ignorant of the world and mankind.

“The ends you serve that are selfish will take you no further than yourself but the ends you serve that are for all, in common, will take you into eternity.”

At the end of the day, you do not live in isolation. Whether you have children or not, you will die on day and leave this Earth. The objective is to always try to leave it so that the generations after you will benefit. As black people, we have to fight to the good fight to ensure our kids and their kids feel equal and a part because they deserve it. Look at the generations before us, would we be enjoying the things we do if they thought selfishly? It’s even the small things too that count. 

Garvey is regarded as the leader of the largest organized mass movement in black history. He was an inspirational figure who helped break the psychological liberation from the bondage of racial inferiority.

Though he is long gone, Garvey’s memory and influence remain. Hopefully, the above quotes have inspired you to have confidence in yourself. 

M. A. N

Photo by whoislimos on Unsplash

Don’t fight me, just hear me out, no other sequence of just three letters is equally powerful. Add the suffix “ly” and you’ve just created a storm that either becomes the wind beneath a young man’s wings or a torrent that suffocates him. Add the prefix “wo” and we could be entering dangerous territory depending on the tone, usage, and subject. But let’s forget all that and focus on the root word for a bit because there’s a lot hidden beneath it that most people don’t know about. Let’s see what “M. A. N” is truly capable of.

Here’s something we all know; words define us. Here’s something we all don’t; words determine everything we experience. 

Imagine that the course of your entire life, whether you failed or succeeded, is determined by these same words. What you're called. What you're labeled as. What definitions you need to align yourself to. What descriptions people expect from you.

These words, even though you’re often not the one choosing them, end up defining you and your life. This is how “M. A. N” comes into play.

We’re either very lucky or very unlucky to be alive during a period where everything conservative and traditional is being upended, slowly but surely. Concepts such as masculinity and gender roles have always been solidified. Determined. Stubborn. Now, liberal movements are redefining them. Reshaping them. Reshaping the world we live in.

We hope everyone will catch up, but we might never live to see it.

And that’s okay. Because as a man growing up in Jamaica, living day-to-day by the rigorous definitions of what a man is, your life can quickly become the hell you pray to escape.

A man is meant to provide, so you go out and find work that might not suit you, but suits the food that keeps your family alive. But getting an honest bread is hard. Negative peer pressure is as guaranteed as police corruption and those same uniforms who’re meant to help, end up doing harm. So where do you go when you’re unqualified for scrappy job openings? You turn to the streets.

Either homeless, dead, or weaponized.

If you don’t end up suffering, you end up dead. And if you’re not dead, you’re something far worse. Trapped in a life of crime. The perfect target for the system that put you there. In and out as they designed it.

And then they say “Why didn’t you seek help?”, “Why didn’t you talk about your problems?”

The answer to that is clear and simple. As a man living in Jamaica, you’re taught not to talk about your problems. You should just bear the burden on your own and figure it out. You’re not taught to talk about how you’re feeling. You should either exist in a state of stoic expression or fits of rage. In Jamaica, rejecting bad influence is the fastest way to be considered a nerd, a queer, or simply not a man.

The word man only has three letters but contains a world of expectations, pains, and problems. We often don’t get to be who we truly want to be. We often don’t get judged based on who we truly are. We just get segmented into caricatures and warped concepts. Letter by letter. First “M” then “A”, then “N”.

The Double Deckers in London

My story of actually getting to the UK was a crazy one so lemme try to take you on the adventure. I pursued by master’s degree through the University of Liverpool Online. I decided to complete and graduate on campus because I could use that opportunity to go to Europe for the very first time and get that ticked off my bucket list. Travelling from Jamaica to London is an eight-hour flight and it takes a few months to process the visa to get there after vetting required documents and an interview type process. Upon receiving the letter of completion from my university, I started the process to get the visa well beforehand. Two of my friends decided to come with me and they made their applications as well, after getting the visa, literally that same Friday night I went to a soca fete and I came home so drunk that I peed on the passport with the visa, like legit – don’t judge me now I literally could beat my damn self! The good part about that was I did all the applications way in advance, so I had time to get new passport using the express service overnight and make a new visa application before my scheduled departure date which I got through with.

You’d think that was the end of the drama, right? Nope!

The night right before I was scheduled to leave, I packed all bags, left them in the living room and went to have drinks with a friend, excited of course. When I got back home, my house was broken into, the thieves stole my backpack that had in my passport and some converted cash for travelling! FMLLLLLLLLLLL! I was starting to wonder if these were signs that I should not go but then I thought maybe this was just a challenge to get there and appreciate the experience even more. At the point of the robbery it was literally 18 hours before the time of the scheduled flight to London.

My brother in law (a police officer) did some investigations and at the end of it all I missed that flight, my friends reached London and I was left behind. The day right before the graduation I got back my passport (through aforementioned ‘investigation’) and booked a last-minute flight to London. My really good Trinidadian friend (who was in Liverpool with my two other friends for my graduation) arranged his friend from school to meet me at the airport in London to assist me in catching the train to Liverpool.

I reached Liverpool on December 4, 2018 minutes right before my graduation (UOL accommodated me by shifting me into the final ceremony so I walked without my faculty which I didn’t actually mind).

I’ve heard that Liverpool has always been a quirky and gritty city, filled with interesting and creative people (the Beatles are from there). We stayed here for two days after graduation and we visited museums and went sightseeing.

The Museum of Liverpool

I really had to visit The International Slavery Museum - if you know anything about me I love learning and being immersed in the past of my ancestors, I owe this seek for knowledge to my fellow Jamaican National Hero Marcus Garvey when he said “A people without the knowledge of their past history, origin and culture is like a tree without roots.” It helps in many ways to seek knowledge but it also gives strength and well needed hope to navigate the racial climate which we find ourselves in today. The International Slavery Museum tells the story, largely from the white man’s perspective sadly and the role the city of Liverpool played in the transatlantic slave trade and the mass enslavement of Africans by Europeans. Coming towards the end of the tour, which could be described as a journey, the tone of blackness became stronger the you navigate feelings of resilience and survival against all the odds and is a testament to the unquenchable nature of the human spirit.

The International Slavery Museum

A good thing to note is that in Europe, hostels are a cheap accommodation alternative to hotels and there are really good-looking comfortable ones. I Liverpool we stayed at Hatters Hostel Liverpool, the room hosted all four of us for $104 US for 2 nights. The photo below is a good mirror image of how we found the rooms.

Photo by Hatters Hostel Liverpool

We headed back to London on a two-hour train ride from Liverpool which cost £36 (if bought early enough in advance). I was literally working on two hours sleep by my crazy tight schedule at this point.

The capital of the United Kingdom is a thriving multicultural metropolis. The contrast between the spectacular historic sights and the lively cultural scene makes a visit to London an interesting and exciting adventure. It can be a really expensive city to live or even be a tourist in.

We stayed in Crystal Palace at the Best Western Queens Hotel, I frankly have nothing good to say about this hotel other than it was a decent enough place to lay our heads. I paid for an upper level room which I was told was not available when we got there so we got placed in a small dungeon of a room with a fake window. We were barged in on whilst asleep by a cleaner, the customer service was horrible (especially when dealing with the issues with the cleaner), the rooms were extremely small and the elevators were dirty plus the hotel was going through renovations which we weren’t made aware of prior to arrival.

Room at Best Western Queens Hotel

Our six days in London were awesome though, initially I was afraid of the train (tube) system in the city as it can be very daunting and overwhelming from what I have heard so for the first two days all we took were Ubers (expensive) but by the time we got into the swing of things we used our apps and our Oyster cards, followed instructions and avoiding rush hours, taking the train was a bearable and good experience.

DAY 1

Hip Hop Karaoke

We went to East London’s (Shoreditch) favourite Friday night party spot, Queen of Hoxton on a Thursday night. Expect two floors of music, on the ground floor we were greeted by some familiar music including Drake, Rihanna, Migos, Future and Nelly. The karaoke show started at 9pm and we enjoyed every minute of it. It was £5 adv / £7 OTD. The drinks were not too expensive.

DAY 2

Sky Garden

I heard about this free view of the city, and I am so glad we planned this visit for around sunset! It really is an incredible view of the city and the outdoor platform at the 35th floor is spectacular!!! Being there to watch as the sunset, and then see the skyline light up (Christmas lights are an added bonus). It is recommended clearly to bring warm jackets and hats as it is cool up there with the doors open.

DAY 3

We visited the Westfield Mall, Stratford Mall and shopped around, it is a beautiful mall with all that you might imagine you want.

Our friend Kearn’s classmate Aaron had a pre-game at his house before we went to this Caribbean party. The party was a few blocks from his house so we (a group of six decided to walk). We were crossing the road at one point when a white pick up came speeding down and the driver yelled “hurry up n*ggas” at us, one person in the group was so mad that he hit the car, luckily a police car was close by and the situation didn’t go any further than that.

We got to the party, had fun, took the bus home.

DAY 4

Lion King, The Lyceum Theatre

We sat there, ready, with the movie in memory, expecting a nice experience. When the first tune was sung in The Circle of Life, it was so strong and emotional, I felt my heart go warm, and I was weeping immensely taken away by beautiful sunrise, the beautiful animals, and the amazing music.

The singers are talented beyond belief, the music makes the blood flow remarkably different in the body, by it all: the music, the singers, the story, the nature they are portraying. What an homage to every subject this story is covering. I also found a Jamaican and a few other Caribbean nationals who were a part of the cast. A lovely show!

You can find some of London’s best-value food in the city’s ethnic neighbourhoods – try Chinatown, Kingsland Road for Vietnamese food and Brick Lane or Southall for Indian food. There are also some good-value food chains to look out for like Nando’s. There’s this Jamaican spot in Croydon called The Dutchie Restaurant & Bar which we went to about three times after mistakenly discovering it. After the show we went to Chinatown to have some food before walking through the city to catch the winter lights.

DAY 5

Central London

We started our day at one of the most iconic of all London sites, Buckingham Palace, the official residence of the United Kingdom's sovereign and the administrative headquarters of the present-day monarch, Queen Elizabeth II. The closest tube stations to Buckingham Palace are Westminster (Circle, District, and Jubilee lines), St James’s Park (Circle and District lines), Victoria (Victoria, Circle and District lines), Hyde Park Corner (Piccadilly line) and Charing Cross (Bakerloo and Northern lines). The train stations are CRAZYYYY especially if you don’t come from a big city like London, we used the Tube Map and City Hopper app to get around along with our London tour guide, Kearn.

All our days began when it looked like this, at sunset because of the bleakiness that we weren’t used to.

We moved from there and continue from St. James's Park to Parliament Square, a meeting point of sorts. Bordered by major attractions like Westminster Abbey, Big Ben (under construction), the Palace of Westminster, and lesser but equally as interesting sites such as the Statue of Winston Churchill (my fave) and the Statue of Oliver Cromwell, this particular area of London is chock full of history and things to explore.

BoxPark Croydon is where we finished our final night out in London, just a chill area made of shipping containers. A culmination of innovative street food and live events with great drinks is what I would describe it as.

Photo by Nick Caville

DAY 6

Our final dinner at Tayyabs, London.

We ended our journey in London by spending the last night at a hotel close to the airport that was good for what it as worth.

Thank you London, I will be seeing you soon.

Things Not To Say To A Black Man

Instagram Photo by @ohmakeda

I was on Instagram scrolling and I stumbled on Avery Francis’ (@averyfrancis) post about the microaggressions Black men face daily. These things not only dehumanize us but it stands desensitize the nature of Black men by allow non-Black people to feel more privileged by the nature of our Blackness hidden under the blanket of “meaning well”.

Here is her post, tell me what you think:

“I only date black men”

Racial fetishism is sexually fetishizing a person or culture belonging to a specific race or ethnic group. For Black men, it shows up in everyday situations like work, on social media and even on dating apps. Racial fetishization isn’t a compliment. Comments like this aren’t out of genuine interest or admiration for a person – they come from exclusively being interested in someone based on their race. When you fixate on someone’s skin colour, Black men and POC like, you’re othering us in sexual way. Joking that you have a jungle fever or that you love the taste of chocolate is so gross. Racial fetishization is a thing. Stop.

“I’m darker than you”

It’s summer now so I know some of the Karens have already been saying this. Does your fake tan come with 400 years of systematic oppression, daily microaggressions, bias at work and racial inequalities too? Yah, I didn’t think so. “I’m darker than you” or “I’m Blacker than you are” is a loaded comment, so I’ll just leave that right there. Unless you live in Black skin 365 days a year, we really don’t want to hear this from you.

“You must have a big dick”

So, apparently this is a thing. It is really gross. Comments like this are not only really invasive they are dehumanizing. Like any other race, culture or subculture, Black men are painted in a certain light sexually by society. There’s enough history, media and porn to illustrate and explain what these stereotypes are. Reducing anyone to the size of their genitalia is really disgusting. Also, comments like this are straight up harassment and need to stop.

“You aren’t Black-Black”

What kinds of Black guys are you referring to when you say this? The type of Black men who are negatively and inaccurately reflected through carefully curated stereotypes? Does this mean that the Black man you are saying this to is a safe or acceptable Black man? Or, is their Blackness less threatening to you? Pushing your stereotype of how a Black person speaks, acts, behaves and exists is harmful because you generalize an entire race. Appropriating Black culture will never equate to the real lived experiences of a person existing in a Black boy, Period. I don’t care how woke you think you are.

“You are so aggressive”

For years Black men have been negatively depicted as angry, confrontational or aggressive in the media and pop culture. After decades of careful curating of negative stereotypes of Black men. If a Black man is assertive, passionate or spirited, his behavior is often received in a negative way. He is perceived as a threat, dangerous or scary. This type of bias often causes Black men to be misunderstood, brutalized and attacked. Black men aren’t aggressive, your views about them are.

“I don’t see colour”

This seems innocent enough, but it is really a problematic thing to say. You may mean well, but this is a harmful thing to say to a black man, woman or any person of colour. If you are looking to become a better ally acknowledging race or racial differences is a great place to start. Don’t dismiss a Black person’s lived experience because of you own discomfort with acknowledging and talking about racial differences.

“You sound white”

Here’s the thing there is no universal tone or way of speaking for Black people and pushing your own bias, stereotypes, and narrow assumptions that you have about how black people sound can be harmful. Feeling a sense of belonging is already tricky for Black folks. Minimizing us to how you think we should look; act or sound ignores a whole part of identity and humanity. What does ‘white’ or ‘black’ sound like anyway? Honestly, I’ve never said “you don’t sound white” to a white person when we’ve first met.

“You are so articulate”

When you say this to a Black man, you are implying that you are shocked that he is eloquent and well spoken. Comments like this speak to the educational inequities that exist between Black and non-Black communities. It suggests that Black men are typically not articulate, so it comes as a surprise to you. Nothing about this comment is okay. If you are surprised when we are articulate, you have some work to do. Id suggest start with checking your own bias.

“You don’t sound black”

This comment highlights the subtle nuances of racism depicted in media and pop culture that do not accurately illustrate how we all speak. If a Black man speaks with elocution and diction, they are often faced with this critique. “You don’t sound Black” is harmful because it feeds in to the negative stereotypes that tend to oppress Black men at work and beyond. Not all Black people sound the same.

Righting My Wrongs

Photo by Ben Shan on Unsplash

Let’s be real. No-one likes to admit they’re wrong. The mountains crumble, the sky caves in, and the earth opens up to swallow your shame. A wise man once said, “It’s easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle than for a man to admit he’s wrong.” Of course, that’s not a saying but it should be. Feel free to quote me cuz that was mad deep, not entirely original but deep, don’t judge me.

It’s easy for us to make a mistake and run with it, stick by it, and fall in love with it - Unfortunately I have done this a fuck load of times. But the one thing we rarely ever do is own up to it. And that’s a cheap formula for destroying relationships, friendships, and futures. If society is built on honesty and justice, well I’m sure we want it to be, then this is where it begins to disintegrate.

When I was in the eighth grade (bare with me, even though this was a million years ago), I witnessed this firsthand and it’s crazy how the simplest things can snowball. Really crazy! Watch me..

It related to to of my classmates, one of them was “bright”, always shows up for class, always does his work, and always gets great grades, let’s call him Rupert. The other was just an average boy. Not too exceptional but certainly one of those you should look out for. Now our English teacher was really strict - Mr. Haye, I can never forget that man. You couldn’t miss a single deadline or you’d be next doom of the island, listen he got really creative with that! I think he enjoyed it waaayyyy too much.

At the end if eight grade in Literature class there’s this final essay on one of the books we had to turn in. I don’t even remember the name, you could throw any book title at me and I’m sure it would sound right, bleh, not that deep. Anyway, Brandon forgot his essay but “found” one on the classroom, quickly rewrote it, slapped his name on it, and handed it in for a fat A+. Rupert on the other hand panicked when he couldn’t find the essay, tried to do a quick rewrite from memory, and ended up getting a C. What made it worse was that after trying to explain, the teacher publicly embarrassed him for not taking school seriously.

Rupert broke at that moment.

What followed was a string of absences and lackluster academic performance. He went from a budding scholar to a budding bum and it broke Brandon’s heart to watch. So he finally fessed up to Rupert and their teacher and got their grades switched around. Now, my name’s not Brandon but I was that guy. I did something wrong and sat on it for a while before making it right. In that short time, I watched someone spiral into a shell of himself. Looking back it at it now, I wonder how much worse it could have been if I hadn’t made it right.

And I realized a lot of people wonder the very opposite.

They reminisce about things they have done and wonder how better things would be if they had right the wrongs they did to others. Most of them never get to find out.

Besides saving someone’s academic pursuits, righting your wrongs helps in many ways. It can mend strained relationships, promote personal healing, and relieve you of heavy baggage. You’re not just improving your own life, you’re bettering the lives of others as well.

Whether you’re partners, family, friends, or strangers, confessing your misdeeds and redeeming yourself is the kinder side of humanity that we all need. So let the mountains crumble, watch the sky cave in, and allow the earth to swallow you whole. At the end of it all, the world will be a better place.

Be the camel that threads the needle. Okurr? Lol.