I watched a documentary entitled, “The Legend of the Underground” which captures queer Nigerian activists as they discuss their country’s laws criminalizing gay sex. Together, they lament unjust arrests and police brutality and went on to talk about the treatment in their homes from their own family members. This left me to ask myself the question, “why do so many people have issues with the way others live their lives if they are not being hurt or affected in anyway, by their choices?”

When you think about it, life is full of many great wonders, commensurate in its accompanying love and cruelty. Sometimes you wonder how people can ill-treat others when we already have such a short tenure here on earth… Like really!! What’s the point of it?

I guess I’m just too odd for most in how I approach this life. If how a well-thinking adult chooses to live does not in any way affect my bottom line, it should not make me want to go out of my way to hurt them, right?

I can never find a good enough reason to validate why people would choose to hate someone else because of their sexuality or race or even just the way they generally choose to live their lives.

Is there actually one? I highly doubt that. So why…?

The whole validation spiel came out of me asking myself why would I do certain things and the only idea I came up with is either that I am directly or indirectly seeking social validation. I feel like we subject ourselves to a lot of torture because of other people’s opinions of us (directly and indirectly).

That’s literally how we are socialized and it’s hard to break free. Face it. You don’t want your neighbor to see you doing certain things just because your parents and grandparents told you it wasn’t acceptable with no rationale.

But fuck your neighbor! Are you hurting anyone? Are you making yourself happy or others unhappy? Which matters more? Ask yourself: Are you at peace?

Sometimes it feels like you literally can’t break free. It’s more of a thing of balance and management; really understanding what this life thing is about and the fact that as social creatures, we seek validation. For example, after rejection, we start to feel sad, even though the rejection is always about the OTHER person and how much we fit in with THEM. It’s really about them in relationships. Nonetheless, we still use it as virtue signaling. They accepted us, so we are “good”, “handsome” or “intelligent” enough.

We are wired that way but you should always try to ask yourselves the questions. The fact is that you should always try. That’s the basis of it.

I think a big part of all of this is that it is important to understand that nothing in life is free. I’ve come to realize that EVERYTHING in life has a cost and sometimes in order to be validated, we have to pay. We literally pay with our individuality and personhood which boils down to our happiness and peace.

This has been on my mind for a few days now.

Do you want to be liked by people ?

The payment (validation):
Meeting others expectations, wants, and needs. That sometimes might involve you not fully being yourself.

So, it really just boils down to how much of yourself you’re willing to ‘pay’. If you understand what’s happening, you’re on your way but so many people can’t even start to identify what they’re doing and just end up stuck and can’t even ask the questions that are outlined.