A Letter To The Little Man

Photo by Charles Deluvio on Unsplash

Dear LJ,

It’s me - I’m up here. You know, I feel like we should seriously have a heart to heart. All these years, you have known me to be the closest of everyone, but even now at 30, I feel like I don’t understand you. I mean, how many times does it happen? I start thinking that I finally got the hang of you and then you surprise me with something unexpected. I think that this letter will allow us to clear the air and get some much needed clarity.

Now, you gotta be wondering, what's going on? Why this sudden interest in chit chat when I haven't done this in years. But I mean why the fuck not? Now is as good a time as any. For 30 years have I been going on in this world, and we have been having fun for the last 17, give or take. Starting with those 'games' we used to play with the school teacher. Touching you in different places and then asking me if I am getting 'nervous'. Well that’s certainly one word for it. Man, the things done with that mouth bruuuh - well at that time, I thought I was in heaven. I think about that from time to time but is this payback though? There are times when it seems as if you just don’t want to work - I’m so confused? Are you tired? Talk to me. I wanna know what to prepare for in the next ten years or so.

You know what baffles me? When you won’t work with my brain the way you’re supposed to? Okay! I know I’m going to make serious moves **wink** I ensure that you are serviced because we can’t allow for anything to happen too quickly, right? But then, it’s like you still decide to do your own thing? What’s up with that?

WAIT! I have another BONE to pick with you. You would think that after all these years you would have some semblance of control over yourself. There I’ll be, driving my car, with some of my friends, listening to some good music and then bam! OUT OF NOWHERE! Now I gotta shift uncomfortably in my seat for the rest of the drive because you were getting hard as result of the bumpy drive. I mean is it too hard to imagine that you will ever learn to behave yourself and not embarrass me in front of everyone I know. GOSH! That’s too much to ask?!

And thennnnn, adding to that! You gotta go and behave like a teenager getting to second base every time someone rated 6 out of 10 comes your way - the stress. I mean, in the middle of church? In the middle… hmmm now that I think about it - I’d like to go there but c'mon man, you gotta have more control then that. 

I gotta tell you a secret man. I really can’t stay mad at you. Honestly, you are just waaaayyyy too much fun. They say once you go black you never go back and you always make them have a good time. 

Which brings me to my final question. The puss or the ass? This year started with a whole lot of confusion surrounding that for me. I know you are an ass-man but honestly, I don’t know. You see, it’s hard choice. They are both very warm and moist and inviting. And if you think about it, you really can go to town with that. When it comes to the ass though you really gotta take care of a lot of things. You gotta clean it up first. NOBODY wants shit on their dick. You gotta get some lube, at least if you want to see them again. You have to stay calm, take it slow and really gotta take care that you don’t hurt her. I mean you’ve gotta admit it. It is fun sometimes but on a whole, it’s just way too complicated.

Well, that’s all I think I wanted to say. It felt good. I’ve been meaning to do this for a while now. But hey, let me tell you, even though sometimes you really make my day way more difficult than it needs to be, I'm really glad I have you in my life.

Here's to another 30 years of way too much fun and getting in my way.

Sincerely,

Your Concerned Yet Grateful Life Partner

Calabash Bay Villa, Treasure Beach

Photo by JakesHotel.com

Since the COVID outbreak, many locals including myself, have been skeptical of international and local travel. COVID has pretty much changed how we vacay and go about doing things like celebrating birthdays. Get togethers and other celebrations have understandably become much more private and secluded events which has resulted in a rise in villa and hotel bookings.

A few weeks ago, I revisited the Treasure Beach area to celebrate my friend’s 30th birthday (if you remember from a previous blog entry, a few months ago I visited the Kotch Villa, in this same area).

Treasure Beach has rapidly become a travel destination, especially because staycationing has become the thing-to-do in the midst of this wild pandemic. Beautiful yet very low-key, Treasure Beach is located on the south coast of Jamaica, in the parish of St Elizabeth. It’s an entire world away- truly a slice of paradise.

We visited the Calabash Bay Villa, which is run by the famous Jake's Hotel and trust me! It lives up to its reputation! There’s excellent customer service, great food, and not to mention the beauty of the location. You can just sit back and relax while the staff does everything for you.

As part of the ‘new normal’, guests staying at the villa are required to do temperature checks and sign the Covid-19 compliance form.

The villa’s interiors exude tropical energy and chic decor. According to the website, the villa was recently renovated with polished black concrete floors; comfortable, modern and beachy furniture. The villa’s openness allows its visitors to experience the tropical and beachy ambiance. As you enter the front door you can see the enormous and very inviting pool. Additionally, before we got there, the staff decorated the place with balloons and birthday banners for us.

Inside the villa, there are four luxury en suite bedrooms, fully air-conditioned and can host up to eight people. The villa starts at $700 USD per night for up to eight persons. The master bathroom has a sunken soaking tub surrounded by gorgeous and lush green garden.

Two of the bedrooms open directly onto the pool area which is exceptionally beautiful at sunrise. You can’t help but to relax and enjoy the island breeze and views.

Outdoors, the villa has a large pool and lounge chairs. There’s a poolside dining area as well as steps that lead directly onto the beach. Oh, and did I mention the sunsets?

Features:

– Four bedrooms with ensuite bathrooms
– Multiple indoor & al fresco living/dining spaces
– Freshwater pool
– Outdoor shower & sunken tub
– A/C & ceiling fans
– Direct beach access
– Kayaks
– Wi-Fi
– Satellite TV
– Bluetooth-enabled stereo
– Staff of three (includes daily chef)
– Villa Concierge

Besides our pool party and the birthday dinner they heeded to our request for a bonfire on their private beach.

At this point I really have to ‘big up’ the staff who made our stay much more enjoyable than it would have been without them. Top class hospitality - Adrian (our concierge) who was there for us from booking, Davian who ensured everything was in order and tip top shape and Kaye (our cook) ensured everything was to our liking.

Thinking of a staycation? Why not do it in style? Enjoy the basic features of a hotel, but the privacy and intimacy of your own beautiful villa.

The Friendship Audit

Photo by Jessica Felicio on Unsplash

Conducting a detailed friendship audit means erasing toxic friends from your life or even demoting the ones you’ve held in a high esteem for a really long time - you know the ones who always seem to take but never add any value to your life, they may stunt growth or even create barriers to block this process. An audit of friendships has sort of become the new age social de-cluttering, the decision that leads towards a different, better life.

Trust me - you read right, I didn’t know such things existed either. But if you think about it, it makes perfect sense right? Sometimes too we need to reduce our friendship network to increase our friendship netWORTH and we all have that friend that weighs more than they lift, or that friend that takes way more than they give and its always good to sort that out. 

A few weeks ago, I found myself having a conversation with a friend who I now classify as family relating to past experiences encountered with persons I used to and still somewhat deem as ‘friends’. The points mentioned led me to start assessing the purpose of the people in my life that I currently interact with on that level and is what inspired the writing of this entry. 

Throughout our lives we meet people who we think we want to hold on to forever, but this grip often does more harm than good. Friends are supposed to help us to grow into the best versions of ourselves and offer each other support, when needed. In a friendship there should always honesty, trustworthiness, loyalty and love present and these go without saying. For me, a friendship is similar to that of a committed relationship without the intimacy that normally exists between lovers. And while I may understand that some people have different friends for different reasons, it’s important to understand and establish the depth of the relationship with that individual to avoid certain types of interactions. It’s also important to note that not because you’ve known someone for all your life means they should continue to stay in it. 

And sometimes, kicking someone out completely may not be the best option for you. You can still keep them around but at a distance and without the advantages they had before. This is where boundaries come in which we will explore in the future. 

While there are many reasons to conduct a friendship audit, these are the main characteristics to look for when trying to determine who should get the boot.

• Jealousy;

• Selfishness- not willing to reciprocate especially when they obviously can;

• Betrayal and Disloyalty;

• Mentally and Emotionally Taxing/Draining- unwilling to heed aid;

• Dishonesty;

• Invalidation;

Every now and then, I’d suggest you take a few moments and assess who in your life you actually consider true friends. Use the above characteristics to determine if these people fit into where you are now and where you want to go.

Section the people in your life in the following categories: Best friends, acquaintances, people I know, to be discarded and make a note as to why these are the categories they fall in. This will help you to decide who should stay or how they should stay and then you can tailor your interactions around this reality - you will learn who to really stick your neck out for and how doesn't deserve such a service.

Throughout the course of our lives, we learn that change is inevitable and with change comes the need for certain adjustments, especially with ourselves and the people and things around us. Conducting this audit may just be what you need to transition to that next phase in your life. 

Making Ends Meet Between Jobs? It Could Evolve Into a Business

Thousands of people are in a financial pickle due to COVID-19 job loss. Stimulus checks and unemployment benefits are helpful, but those who are between jobs are looking for ways to make consistent, lasting income. During this challenging time, those who are looking for work may find that they can earn money by using their existing skills. The gig economy is prospering, and it’s just a matter of finding your niche and putting your skills to work as a way to make ends meet. To learn more, read these tips courtesy of L’Homme Noir. 

Identifying Your Marketable Skills While Staying Afloat

Getting by when you are unemployed can be stressful and difficult. It may be worthwhile to reduce unnecessary spending temporarily by cutting back to a lower cell phone plan, getting rid of cable, and cutting back on take-out and other non-essentials. The Penny Hoarder offers brilliant tips on budgeting during coronavirus and ways to stretch funds and reduce monthly bills, including embracing frugality and developing a barebones budget plan.

In looking at ways to make money with your skills, consider the things you enjoy, as well as traditional work-related abilities. Often, people compartmentalize their skills as either work-related or being connected to hobbies and interests. Consider expanding your perception of marketable skills to include hobbies as these enable you to fuse your passions with potential cash flow — clearly a win-win.

Brainstorm money-making ideas and let the ideas flow without judgment, writing them down as you go. After you have completed your list, highlight the ones that seem most feasible, and envision ways you could use these skills for profit. For example, if you listed being organized as a skill, you may be able to use that talent to help business owners who need your strategies to improve their workflow or filing process. 

People can make money through the provision of goods or services. Do you enjoy baking or preparing meals? Perhaps starting a food prep business is within your reach. Using your skills as a pet groomer or starting a side hustle as a music instructor may bring you a steady income that could turn into a profitable business.

Starting Your Own Business

Self-employment is the epitome of the American dream, so if you are considering starting your own business, congratulations! As you think about your plan for the business, consider the way you will form it. This crucial step of the process will determine your personal liability, how you will pay taxes, and other important details. Many business owners choose to set themselves up as an S corporation because it establishes credibility and they can save on corporate taxes. ZenBusiness details how to start an S corp.

You can dive into this process independently, or you can hire an affordable online service for business formation. Business formation services make easy work of the many forms and documents needed and provide all the necessary paperwork your state requires. Hiring professionals in the field of business formation saves time, money, and aggravation — they do the footwork and provide you with all the documents you need. 

Financial struggles can send stress levels through the roof. If you are between jobs due to the coronavirus, there are ways you can earn money to make ends meet until you find a full-time job. You may even discover your true passion and develop a small business through your skills and talents. Keep the faith — this challenging time will pass. You can find peace and prosperity, and perhaps this journey will lead you to a lifelong dream of owning your own business.

Contributed by Lisa Walker of neighborhoodsprout.org

Happy Black History Month

Okay so it’s Black History Month and I feel like we need to put a few things into perspective, the first thing is that even if you live in a predominantly black country or city it is still important for you to take the time to reflect on the past, recognize the present and look forward to the possibilities - the impact of institutionalized racism is far reaching, there was a time when men and women who look like me and you could not hold certain priviledges that we enjoy today. It is always is not only about asking how can I remember and learn about black people and how far we have come, it is about all of us asking, “how can we love Black people by seeing them, hearing them, relishing in them and creating a world where Black people feel loved, inspired and protected?”

One of my faves, Langston Hughes (1901 - 1967) wrote this poem that was revited in me when I was younger and it speaks about dreams, whether it be dreams for our society or in our personal lives:

HARLEM

By Langston Hughes

What happens to a dream deferred?

Does it dry up

like a raisin in the sun?

Or fester like a sore—

And then run?

Does it stink like rotten meat?

Or crust and sugar over—

like a syrupy sweet?

Maybe it just sags

like a heavy load.

Or does it explode?

It is a short, terse and vigorously expressive poem that seeks to answer its own question via a series of images and the use of simile and metaphor - figurative language - and it presses on the imagination. Mr. Hughes is suggesting that this dream is already delayed and frustrated and that time is of the essence - this dream has to be fulfilled or else. The final line metaphorically sums up the whole notion of what can happen when an individual's or a people's dream fails to manifest in real time. Oppression, societal pressure, prejudice and historical baggage and other factors can play their part in denying the dream.

I feel like this Black History Month we should focus on those dreams for us as a people, the dreams we should refuse to let dry up and sag. The dreams that will give us work which may seem like a heavy ass load but we will let it result in sweetness instead of rotten meat so that the efforts of our forefathers may not be in vain and the sweet reward will be unearth by our future generation.

STAY BLACK & PROTECT YOUR MAGIC!

Top 4 Tips for Maintaining Your Self Care Routine

In these challenging times, we all could use a pick-me-up. The past few months of pandemic-induced stress have been none too kind and ensuring your body and mind are in tip-top shape maybe hasn’t been the immediate worry.

But that’s all changing now. Whether you are going to brave the world and explore some socially-distanced activities or you are still playing it safe at home, you want to look and feel your best. Here are some tips for keeping your routine above board:

Get your wardrobe right

Looking your best is certainly achievable even during the quarantine. You may not be able to get out to the department store to try on all the fashions, so let the fashions come to you. Online clothing stores and subscriptions aim to get a sense of your style and bring you name brands and comfortable outfits without having to leave your home. Stores like ASOS, Topman, Stitch Fix, and others can have you looking sharp. There are even subscription services that will send you t-shirts with various Irish pub-inspired designs every month.

Fill your home with light

Your home is your sanctuary, and you are spending a lot of time there nowadays. The environment can impact your emotional state, and how you interact with the world has a lot to do with your mental stability. In order to maintain a healthy outlook and help feel more positive in today’s stressful environment, try decluttering parts of your home a little at a time — get rid of extraneous objects, do some cleaning, and open a window to let in some fresh air. 

If negative energy abounds in your home, creating a vibrant area just for you to use as a decompression zone (by adding bright colors or decluttering the space) can act as a buffer between your mental health and those harsh vibes.

Get your body tight

Exercise has been shown to be beneficial for your mental wellness, as well. Physical and mental wellbeing are closely linked. In fact, many people who experience physical symptoms of tiredness, headache, or stomach cramps could be suffering from depression. Exercise can help men feel better mentally, live longer, and mitigate or prevent diseases like type 2 diabetes and certain cancers.

Perfecting your skincare routine should be part of getting your body right. Taking good care of your skin shouldn’t be something you only do when you have issues. A daily regimen of washing, moisturizing, and preventative measures can help stave off future problems, as well. Learn your skin type, wash your face in the morning and at night, and make sure you never, ever use bar soap for your face. And if you shave regularly, do a scrub of the area beforehand -- this removes dead skin cells and unclogs your pores.

Sustain your might

The food we eat has an impact on our mental health -- so you should make sure you are feeding your body with nutritional meals that also feed your mind. One way to improve mood via food is to increase your intake of Omega-3 fats (i.e., eat more fish), ingest more B vitamins, and watch the amount of sugar you consume. There is a connection between your emotional state and the amount of sugar in your blood; refined carbohydrates are often associated with depression.

The good news is: There are several foods that have been proven to fight depression. Avocados, for instance, contain a lot of good fat and no processed carbohydrates. In addition, a 2014 study found that people who eat a lot of fruits like berries and bananas, vegetables like sweet potatoes, and whole grains are 16 percent less likely to experience depression. Make a salad, an avocado-banana smoothie, or berry sauces to get those nutritious benefits!

The whole picture

Feeling good, looking good -- it’s all about where your comfort levels are. Good luck adventuring out into the world, or on your next Zoom social call. 

Visit L’Homme Noir for more engaging, intelligent content about what it’s like to be a Black man in the 21st century. 

Contributed by Lisa Walker of neighborhoodsprout.org

18 Wardrobe Essentials for the Stylish Man

Building a wardrobe from scratch can be a bit tedious especially if you have no idea where to start. A good and functional closet includes a few staples that will stylishly prepare any man for every occasion. Here are the foundational pieces that every man should own. These pieces can easily be mix-matched to create different looks for varying occasions and leave you looking like a stylish gent.

You can click the links to find these items, let us know which ones you’ll be purchasing.

Bottoms

Blue Denim

Trousers

Chinos

Tops

Plain White T- Shirt

Black T- Shirt

Polo Shirt

Short-Sleeved Shirt

Oxford Shirt

Outerwear

Blazer

Denim Trucker Jacket

OR

Leather Jacket

Coordinated Suit

Footwear

White Sneakers

Formal Shoes

The Multifunctional

Accessories

Leather Backpack

Holdall/Weekender

Interchangeable Strap Watch

Reversible Belt

Adding these items to your closet is a good starting place to build a fashionable wardrobe. And even if you’d like to keep it minimal, these are the essentials so stock up, change up the colors if you’d like.

2021: New Year Resolutions

Photo by Juliette F on Unsplash

The year has just begun and you have been thinking about your new objectives and the changes you plan to make since the latter part of November. You have probably even written a list and attempted to discard old trinkets that trigger memories you wish would just go away. Sad to say, even though progress is at the top of your priorities list, life has a way of pushing you back ten steps when you’ve only taken two forward. You feel lost, school feels like more of a burden than a blessing, work is dragging you along by the hairs on your head (and if you’re bald it's clipping on to your scalp) and you're tired of being intoxicated by toxic relationships, be it friends, family or lover(s). You’re now desperate for some change. 

I’m sure by now you’re probably thinking, “why is he using my biography to attack me?” Continue reading…

You've probably tried everything you can throughout 2020 and it all seemed to have failed. You grew, but regressed and now you're wondering, “why is this happening and how did I even get here?”, to the point where it started to feel depressing; it weighs much more than you are capable of carrying any longer.

Stop. 

Let’s take a deep breath in, hold for about 5 seconds, and once you're through, take a look at the following and use them to begin that thing most plants seem to be great at: GROWTH.

Plan and prepare.

It’s important to note that everything won't always go how you want them to. Having a clear plan and sticking to it, often helps you to achieve what it is that you're yearning for. The plan can always be adjusted along the way. Just ensure you have it. This will help to reduce that feeling of being lost.  

-       This also applies to school. You can’t procrastinate and wait until the last minute to get assignments done or begin studying. That’s a breeding ground for failure and you can’t be disappointed by the undesired outcome of something you didn’t properly prepare for. Get a timetable, complete your assignments in advance of the due date, read before class so when the topic is being discussed you are able to gain deeper knowledge, participate in the class’ discussions so the content is easier to understand which would make revising for exams a breeze.

Get a new job.

That’s what you wanted to hear, right? Don’t tell your boss I told you to quit. Getting a new job doesn’t have to mean resigning. It can also mean changing your outlook on your current position or the environment. Going to work daily with pessimism and a bad vibe only causes you to feel worse. I’m not saying pretend to enjoy working in an office when your passion is art, but make your work environment an enjoyable experience. This will help to make going to work something to look forward to.

Let it go.

It’s illogical to hold on to something that you know will only cause you more harm than good (unless you’re into that type of thing). Think of it like this:

-       You’re sitting in a bar tightly holding a miniature nuclear bomb in the palm of your hand that's activated by body heat. What do you think is going to happen?

Okay fine. Maybe that analogy was a bit too extreme but you get the point. Not everyone comes into your life to stay. Even if they were born into it (blood relatives). Some people are presented to us, to teach us lessons, so we can move on to the next step and learn from prior mistakes in order to grow. 

Don’t get me wrong, I know it's hard. After all, the strongest drug that exists is another human. That's what Beyonce was implying when she said she was ‘drunk in love’. Get it now? 

Anyways, this may be one of the hardest things to do on this list, but seriously, let that thing or person go. Letting go doesn’t necessarily mean completely ridding them from your life. You can let a person go by distancing yourself from them and everything that has to do with them until you’ve healed from the damage they've helped to inflict (and I say help because toxic relationships happen from both ends). 

If you didn't know, peace of mind is more valuable than anything that's tearing you to pieces and situations have a way of bubbling over to the point where it completely takes over and/or disintegrates what was holding it together. These situations spill over into other areas of your life and I'm sure you know how that would play out. Don’t fall victim to it. 

While this isn’t all you can do, the above steps can serve as a good foundation to living a happier, mentally and emotionally healthier life without the added drama and turmoil.

You can thank me later.

Comment below your perspective and if you have any tips feel free to share. 

Fenty Skin vs Human Race

FENTY SKIN

Listen! Rihanna is a beast when it comes to anything - music, fashion, makeup - just business overall, now she’s launched a fairly new skincare line - Fenty Skin. I was - like half of the globe - hyped up to try it, so I did.

If you know me, you’d know I love a stylish aesthetic with a multifunctional formula and Fenty Skin delivers on both. The entire line features understated packaging in a purplish-grey colour. I can’t be bothered with using ten different bottles of things that you have to remember how many times per week to use. That’s just way too drama for me. I work a 9-5 and I go to the gym so I need something simple and effective that I can use twice a day. I’m a really simple guy.

So… I tried it and despite how minimal it is to extreme skincare enthusiasts, I almost immediately fell in love with the entire system. It’s safe to say that it even though it wasn’t all hype and it actually delivered real results that may benefit all skin types.

The set from Fenty Skin comes with:

STEP 1. The Total Cleans’r Remove It All Cleanser, $25.00

STEP 2. Fat Water Pore-Refining Toner Serum, $28.00

STEP 3. Hydra Vizor Invisible Moisturizer Broad Spectrum SPF 30 Sunscreen, $35.00

HUMANRACE

Pharrell Williams embodies agelessness and beauty, how does he do it? I remember watching some video and Pharrell said that using cold water was the best way of washing your face - years later I’m still doing that because just look at his skin - he must know what he’s talking about, right? Naturally, when Pharrell dropped his skincare line Human Race, it sold out immediately. I was one of the lucky few to get my hands on the entire three-piece set and as a skincare lover, I had to see how it measured up.

Like Fenty Skin, it’s a three-step system.

STEP 1. Rice Powder Cleanser, $32.00

STEP 2. Lotus Enzyme Exfoliator, $46.00

STEP 3. Humidifying Cream, $48.00

Now, while I thought the product itself did what it promised, I wasn't in love with the lack of lather in the cleanser because I tend to like them a bit more sudsy. I actually felt a burning or tingling sensation like I do with most glycolic acid (Alpha Hydroxy Acid) exfoliants. The product has 8% glycolic acid and 2% fruit enzymes, which are a gentler form of AHAs. The rice powder cleanser functions as a gentle exfoliant, so I’m wondering why he needed to include a separate exfoliant. On the other hand, I loved the whipped texture of the moisturizer. It’s of a heavier consistency which makes it ideal to treat and dry spots but it is also light enough for oilier skinned folks like myself. It’s perfect for night time use to prevent trans epidermal water loss while we sleep. I do wish he included an SPF for daytime use, however.

Next Stop on the Skincare Journey: CEYLON: The Skincare Brand Made for Men of Color. What’s your take on FENTYSKIN and Humanrace?

New Year, New Me! AGAIN?!

Photo by Danielle MacInnes on Unsplash

We have been encouraged to believe that each new year marks the beginning of newness but does it really? Or is that something that was created by a pessimistic fool who saw his failure as a sign to stop chasing what he really wanted and put it off until the following year?

It’s officially the first day of 2021 and we’d think that we just went through the worst year of the 21st century, if you’re being honest, 2020 would be really hard to beat. If you’re reading this, that means you’ve survived and you’re well, much better off than many others who haven’t lived to experience what some people call a blessing and others a curse, i.e., another shot at living. This is a new year to try and be better, do better, live, experience contentment, find love, travel the world, be true to you - however that manifests in your mind. Cliché as it is, the new year shouldn’t be about starting over or forcing yourself to be someone you’re not. The change of that last digit you write or say when you’re noting the date doesn’t signal the start of a new beginning.  

There are simple things to keep in the back of your mind that will ultimate effect LASTING change - which is what is important. Change your perspective and the outcome along with your emotions will also change. SO STOP! Rid yourself of the mental noise and listen. There’s a faint voice screaming in both your head and your heart and it’s telling you to BE. Simple right?

Existing is never enough!

There are a lot of us here! Many of us, passionate about the same things, trying to achieve the same things, do the same things, be the same, live the same lives so what makes you unique? 

BE-ing is assessing who you were, honing who you currently are, and building on who you want to be. We were each created as different beings, each person capable of doing extraordinary things. Believe it or not, even though we all may have similar talents and passions, we all have something innately different that makes us forces to be reckoned with. So listen to what your heart tells you and run after what it desires and if you hurt yourself in the process, brush off and try again. Society teaches us to stop if it’s not working and that if it doesn’t, then it isn’t yours. But as a wise man once told me, WHAT IS FI YUH, CAN NOT BE UN FI YUH, translated as ‘what is meant for you, will always be for you and nothing will ever change that’. The only thing in your way is yourself. -I really should be telling myself this too- Stop defeating yourself before you’ve actually tried. Stop telling yourself you can’t. Stop asking for the opinions of others so that you can be true to yourself and act purely from your own intuition. You are you and you are here for a reason, so JUST BE. The new year doesn’t mean you have to change your outlook, force yourself to try something else, or be someone else. Be you and see it through. Yes. It’s a new year and I hope you’ve learned from the last and have experienced enough to help you through this one. But to reiterate, a new year does not mark a new beginning for your life, it marks the continuity of growth and flourishing. Prosperity is yours for the taking. I wish you further success in your failures as that is how we truly learn. I hope you become a step closer to your dreams and happiness. There are great things in store for you but you’ll never be able to get them by watching them go by.

Have a fruitful new year and whatever is it that you can’t come to find yourself not dreaming off, chase it. Redirect your perception as this life, is yours and a new year does not change that. 

What Christmas Means To Me, My Love.

Photo by Алсу Ягудина on Unsplash

Christmas means having Christmas trees,

Opening presents, watching Christmas movies,

But most of all I like being with family.

We gather around the tree

Aunts and uncles smiling at me,

Moms and Dads talking,

Grandparents greeting and laughing and obviously,

Kids and cousins opening!

That’s what Christmas means to me!

I know Christmas can sometimes be crazy and chaotic, but it often flourishes into something beautiful. We’ve placed so much emphasis on the holiday that it has become one of the most meaningful time of the year. Every year, I look forward to listening to Christmas carols- without being looked at weird- and decorating the pine tree (even though I’m allergic to it) with the most elaborate and shiny ornaments I can find. I think what warms my heart the most however, is the time spent with family and friends. Maybe what causes me to enjoy this time of year so much is the exchange of joy and euphoria between myself and the people around me.

When I was a child, I can remember making wishlists from skimming though the internet to find what appealed to me the most and I would get so excited when I saw boxes set under the tree. I prayed the most gifts and biggest boxes were mine, hoping what I had written down was in them. I would shake the wrapped presents, impatient to find out what I was gifted.

Now, I didn’t always get what I wanted but I got WAY MORE than I NEEDED and for that alone I am grateful. I’m appreciative of what I’ve received as I am well aware many people weren’t in the same position I was in or that I am in now.

I’ve said all of this to say, what’s most important is being able to spend time with those that matter the most to us and that is the greatest gift of all. To me, Christmas serves as a reminder that I should be thankful and appreciative of who I am, where I am coming from and what I have.

What does Christmas mean to you?

Was University Necessary?

Photo by Cassandra Hamer on Unsplash

After high school I went to university. Shocking! I know! But why? Did I really have a choice? My parents made it known that if I didn’t go then I was basiclly on my own and seeing that I had the resources and grades at my disposal, so I agreed and went. Initially, I wanted to do medicine but when I realized that that path wasn’t working for me, I changed my major to Marine Biology. Surprisingly, I enjoyed the program and ended up graduating with that degree.

Now, have I used the degree since? NO! Not at all. Funnily, I am now an entrpreneur and a finance manager.

Which leads me to the question, was university really necessary?

I’ll let you decide.

Success is different for all of us. We all have different dreams, goals and aspirations. The truth of the matter is, some people have been born with what I term as 'that something extra'. They have been quoted already in a plethora of books and big awards. Names that have made it BIG in the world of business, and art and science. Did they all go to university? NO! But they all possess some kind of entrepreneurship that makes them successful without the need to study at great length.

But these are few and far between in life. These success stories are not the run of the mill stories. The truth is today for the 'usual person with usual success ideas', it’s a highly competitive world and the one who has the most education is the one that is likely to get to the post first (I am not saying that others will not get there with tenacity and hard work but the others that have better opportunities usually get the first shots at the goal).

What I am trying to say is, university isn’t entirely necessary BUUTTTT!!!!!!! It is truly advisable if your aim is to reach certain heights in life.

Do I Really Have To Start Over? AGAIN?

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We have all been single at one point or another so you’d know that in the wake of a breakup, there’s an interim. Normally, in that time you hopefully take some time to heal if you need to. Maybe, you’ll grow a bit in areas where you felt it was necessary. But once all of that low key self-maintenance takes place and you’ve decided that you’re now ready to start dating again, a lingering thought presents itself and you starting thinking about how much a hassle dating can be.

Recently, I have noticed many ladies commenting on what a drag it is to go through the “getting to know phase”, AGAIN! I concur, it can be a drag, but here’s the deal:

When we start talking to someone new, there’s no promise that it’s going to work out. It’s a clean slate. We become so obsessed with looking for a bunch of things in the beginning just to see if someone is worth the time to get to know. We often ask ourselves, “does this person dress nicely?”, “am I actually attracted to them?”. “is this person a bird?”- well, I ask that question at least -shrugs- The point is, the list of questions is sometimes never-ending, but if we do meet that someone who passes those preliminary diagnostics, we then begin looking for that spark.

So you see, we normally dread the ‘getting to know’ process only with certain people.

We dread it in the beginning because of the uncertainty of things working out but, if we were ever to get that chemistry with someone, or if we ever found that spark with a person, it would surely change the game. What once felt like a daunting task, no longer feels that way. You would be more engaged now and the process now becomes a fun new group project where neither parties would be slacking.

That’s the hope at least right?

We hate the ‘getting to know’ process when we end up meeting people consistently who don’t spark our interest. Guys want to meet women they feel confident in showing a good time to and for men, our time is our money and we don’t want either wasted. Women, on the other hand (and correct me if I’m wrong), don’t want to invest their emotions into something only to find out that the guy is an asshole anyway. There could be other scenarios in their case as well, but at the end of the day, you can indeed combat the drag of getting to know someone in two ways:

Firstly, you need to open yourself up to dating again. -I know you wouldn’t have guessed that one- It doesn’t mean you have to put yourself out there. Some people get lucky and things may fall in your lap. But you must be willing to date in a general sense.

The second thing that has to happen is you have to meet someone you’re genuinely into. Personally, I don’t think you can have one without the other and if these two things happen, getting to know someone no longer becomes such a chore.

SO! Here’s to finding what and who we’re all looking for! 

Is the getting to know process a drag for you too? How do you combat it?

Five Ways To Ruin Your Perfect Match On The First Date

Image by StockSnap from Pixabay

First dates can be nerve-racking and knowing how to avoid ruining the perfect evening is oftentimes tricky. Following these steps will help to ensure you don’t ruin it.

1.PICKING THE WRONG VENUE

Always think relaxed, inexpensive and non-committal when choosing a location for a date.

2.OVERSHARING

Many topics shouldn’t be talked about on a first date. That initial meeting should be kept light and airy with both sides left wanting to know more. Off-limits topics include exes (probably the biggest no-no), medical problems and financial worries. Your date wants to know if you both love Indian food, not whether you’re still pining for your ex or desperate to quit your job because your boss is an evil tyrant.

The fact is that we’ve all got some things in our lives that we like to moan about, but that’s what good friends are for, not first dates who barely know us. There are some exceptions to this rule. For example, if you’ve both been made redundant in the past and the conversation naturally turns to this, then it could be very interesting to share your experiences.

Remember, first dates should be fun, they’re not free therapy!

(As an aside, if you find yourself constantly compelled to talk about your ex on first dates, you probably need to reassess whether you’re really ready to date in the wake of your last relationship.)

3.TALKING NON-STOP

Listening to the other party and having moments of silence are okay. Consistent chatter can be overwhelming and that’s the last thing you want to do.

4. PAYING ATTENTION TO EVERYTHING AND EVERYONE ELSE EXCEPT YOUR DATE

Yes! I know not everyone like to be bombarded with constant attention but, if you’re on a date and you’re giving your phone or the person at the bar behind your date, more attention than who you’re actually there with, you’re setting yourself up to never see this person again. Unless it’s an emergency you don’t need to be on your phone 24/7 neither do you need to stare at the beautiful specimen seated behind your date. That’s just rude.

5.TRYING TO DESPERATELY HAVE SEX AFTER

There’s nothing worse than a successful first date and you end the night by pushing to have sex. That’s a huge turn off for many and it may imply that that was your initial aim.

Try to relax and enjoy the experience. Breathe and be yourself.

Essential Travel Habits To Protect Your Relationship

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Traveling with your partner can oftentimes be more difficult than it should but there are steps you can take to lessen dissension. Why add complications to something that be an enjoyable experience? Imagine saving up towards your bae-cation and BOOM! There are tonne loads of issues that could just ruin everything you planned.

Think about it. Have you ever been in similar situations? Have you ever regretted going on a trip with your partner?

Follow these tips to avoid bad situations and being in this position.

While it is possible to avoid such situations, do not forget that something may go wrong along the line. Use the following steps as a guide to limit the possibility of situations that may lead you to disagreements and regret.

1. Divide duties and plan double team tasks (eg. cleaning).

2. Don’t be on top of each other the whole time (take a break from each other at intervals throughout the day).

3. Don’t overdo it and run yourself into the ground. Fear of missing out is a trap.

   I’m a very scheduled guy especially when I go on trips. I often feel as though I might not come back to this destination again so I always need to have a balanced schedule/ to-do list. I try to tick off as many activities as I can, but this sometimes leads you into a trap and you end up feeling like you’re missing out on the experience. You overwork yourself on the bae-cation and neglect your partner so you don’t get much out of each individual experience as a couple. Nothing is wrong if you don’t stick to the itinerary - discuss it though!

4. Feel free to say no to some things that don’t seem enjoyable. Don’t be restrictive and don’t be overly agreeable.

   You literally don’t need to say yes to everything! If you feel like something is going to be boring or you are simply not interested, let that be known. The worst thing you can do on a trip is to be a yes-man and spread yourself thin in doing all the things you don’t want to do.

5. Squash any problems before the trip.

   This is self-explanatory. If there are issues that need to be resolved, discuss it, and have it resolved or it will potentially cause problems in the coming days. Get it out of the way! If it’s something ongoing, you need to sort it out before the trip, nothing is worst than going on a vacation with a lagging issue - that’s a literal recipe for disaster.

6. Mind your mood. Acknowledge if you are tired/cranky.

7. Figure out what type of traveler you are beforehand (busy/relaxed) and have that discussion.

8. Don’t underestimate the power of a shrug of indifference.

The Ultimate Christmas Gift Guide for Men 2020

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Finding the perfect gift for the men in your life isn't always easy. Of course, you can take the easy route and buy another random book or a tie and cufflinks, but it would be nice to take some time to think about what your guy would be excited to unwrap. 

The trick is to know the guy you’re buying for.

Here’s a list to help you with direct links attached: 

1. For the Manscaper

BODY GROOMERS

Manscaped Lawn Mower 3.0 $79.99

Philips Norelco BodyGroom 7000 $79.95

2. For the Cologne Collector

COLOGNE

Sauvage Dior $119.00

Creed $435.00

Margiela Replica $130.00

3. For the Gaming Enthusiast

GAMING CONSOLES

The Handheld Favoured

Nintendo Switch $299.99

OR

The one with the personal gaming TV

Playstation 5 $399.99

4. For the Mixologist

A COCKTAIL KIT

Mixology $59.99

5. For the Watch Collectors

The Classic Man

MVMT Watch $199.99

OR

The Apple Fanatic

Apple Watch Series 6 $364.99

OR

The Fitness Junkie

Fitbit Charge 4 $99.95

Also, pairing a watch with a collection display box adds extra points

6. For the Technophile

WIRELESS CHARGING PORT/ DECK

Perfect for the one who has every Apple Device

Logitech Powered 3-in-1 Wireless Charging Dock $129.99

OR

The one who has a mix of wireless compatible devices

Courant Catch 2

7. The Wireless Listeners

WIRELESS EARPHONES

Beats Flex- Beats by Dre $49.88

OR

WIRELESS SPEAKER

Ultimate Ears Blast $97.80

8. For the Bearded and Beard-hopeful

BEARD GROOMING BUNDLE

Shea Moisture for MEN Ultimate Beard Kit $29.97

OR

Scotch Porter Ultimate Beard Collection $86.99

9. For the Forgetful

To keep track of things he loses frequently

Tile Finder

10. For the Flashy

A JEWELRY SET with Matching ring, chain and bracelet

MVMT Jewellery

11. For the Fashion Forward

SHOES

For Sneakerheads

The Hipster

Nike Airmax 270 $150.00

OR

The Minimalist

Adidas Stan Smiths $80.00

FOR BUSINESSMEN

The Dual Purpose Pair

J. Crew Ludlow Penny Loafers $372.50

FOR THE MULTI-FUNCTIONAL

Dr. Martens 1460 Boots $150.00

12. For the Gym Rat

SHAKE BLENDER

NutriBullet Pro 1000

13. For the one who likes to record memories

INSTANT CAMERA

Fujifilm Instax Mini 11

Knowing the right gift to buy at Christmas is nerve-racking, but use this list to help guide you and you’re well on your way to seeing that ecstatic smile on his face.

Are You Depressed Or Are You A Whimp?

Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

Being a man means being strong and silent in the face of adversity. Unfortunately, such an unrealistic standard means that many men are poorly equipped to cope with depression.

The truth is anyone can become depressed, but men often express it differently than women, attempting to hide or blame others for it. 

A few signs of depression in men may include:

• Fatigue

• Irritability

• Anger (sometimes abusive)

• Loss of interest in work or hobbies

• Sleep disturbances (insomnia, oversleeping)

• Overwork

• Risky behavior

• Substance abuse

• Persistent sadness

• Anxiety

• Loss of concentration

• Difficulty making decisions

• Poor memory

• Appetite or weight changes

• Persistent physical problems (pain, nausea, headaches)

On the plus side depression is treatable. You are not a wimp—and you are not alone. If you think you may be depressed, your first positive step should be to see your doctor, who can rule out other illnesses that may be causing a change in your mood or outlook. She/He may prescribe an anti-depressant, or refer you to a mental health professional for counseling.

But bare in mind, there are things you can do on your own, as well. Research has shown that getting regular exercise is helpful in controlling depression. So is sticking to a regular sleep schedule, eating a nutritious, healthy diet, and avoiding alcohol. Each of these steps may lift your mood and make you feel more positive about yourself and life.

Jesus Is My Homeboy But I HATE His House

Photo by Gift Habeshaw on Unsplash

I would never let go of Jesus, but I have some issues with His “house”. It is important that I first establish that salvation is based on believing in Jesus and not on Church attendance - I know a lot of people don’t want to hear that.

I am just going to list some of my concerns with the organized church:

Addiction to Tradition

For any movement to maintain stability and organization there must be a stable set of rules and in the case of the church, doctrine, to guide it. This often results in the traditions that were typically used at a point in time to keep the body together gaining sacred status.

Spiritual Pride

It is natural for there to be a leader of the organized church. Unfortunately, it is often the case that those given the responsibility to serve the flock end up thinking that the flock is to serve them. They end up letting the opportunity to lead get to their head and their attitude becomes very ungodly.

A Substitute to Salvation

To get members to the house of worship, tactics and jargon are often used that causes many to believe that going to the building is salvific. This leads many church members to develop somewhat of a judgmental eye for those who do not frequently come to the building.

I love Jesus, but I am often disappointed in the people that “lead” in His name. What I am glad for is that salvation is a gift from Jesus, and no one can take it away from me as long as I live for Him. (John 14:6; John 10:28).

Kotch Villa, Treasure Beach

Kotch Villa

Kotch Villa

Located on Jamaica’s south coast in the parish of St Elizabeth, Kotch is a beachfront villa nestled comfortably in the fishing village of Treasure Beach. The villa consists of separate living and bedrooms spaces housing comfortably ten adults, with views of the Caribbean Sea, the living and dining room combo in the Ocean Front Eco Lux suite (my favourite) opens to a comfortable outdoor patio.

It was my friend’s birthday so as I group we decided to stay at Kotch. The experience with Jodi-Ann (booking agent) even prior to arriving was amazing, she assisted us with everything and ensured we had all we needed for the stay. With COVID still a big part of our lives, they have all the protocols in place to preserve our safety.

The pictures you’ll see does this place no justice; everything looks exactly as advertised, even better. The views were simply breath taking, waking up to the views and sounds of the ocean from any bedroom on property. The villa was very spacious for all ten of us, there were three floors which allowed us to be very private yet very close to each other at the same time. John, the caretaker tended to our every need from the time we stepped in, we even had an issue with a flat tyre, and he went ahead and dealt with it without us even asking. The cooks were very sweet and attentive, and they helped us getting directions around the area with all the activities we had planned. We felt safe, the areas were always clean, there were literally no complaints.

To book click here.

Appleton Rum Tour

We had an activity filled weekend lined up, so we began by going to The Appleton Rum Tour. No doubt Jamaica has some of the best rum in the world.  The Appleton Estate Tour gives you an exclusive tour of an iconic part of Jamaica’s history and rich culture, Appleton is literally one of my favourite drinks of all time especially the reserve with some cranberry juice? *chef’s kiss*

The Estate is in Nassau Valley in the parish of St. Elizabeth, not too far from our villa in Treasure Beach. If you love rum, you will have a great time on this tour – guaranteed!  The guides are very knowledgeable, funny and engaging.

Upon entering The Appleton Estate, you will notice the grounds and buildings are beautiful and well maintained.  First, you are taken to the reception area and offered complimentary rum punch – if you’re a tourist then you need this to experience a real rum punch.

On the tour you’ll learn the historic production process of Appleton Estates’ Rums. You will see earlier methods used to remove juice from sugarcane, learn about the distillation process in their 200-year-old pot stills and visit one of the Estate’s barrel houses where rums age to excellence. Throughout the tour you get to taste molasses and freshly squeezed sugar cane juice also the actual sugarcane itself.

Fresh Sugar Cane.

The drinks are non-stop! THE LONGER YOU STAY, THE MORE DRUNK YOU GET!

The heat is literally no joke so ensure you wear cool clothing. The cost for the tour with lunch is $25.00 USD.

Pelican Bar

After the festivities Saturday night at the villa, we packed up our things to leave the beautiful Treasure Beach but before we did, we decided to check out Pelican Bar. Literally a hut, made from scrap wood and built on a sandbar, Pelican Bar serves beers and seafood, it is literally just a hangout in the middle of the sea. Built by a fisherman named Floyd in 2001, Pelican Bar was at first just meant for Floyd’s fishing buddies—but it quickly became known as one of the best beach bars in the world. 

The bar is situated one mile from the closest coastline and to get there we contacted Portia who owns a boat and that took us. It was $1,200.00 JMD roundtrip per person. The food there was expensive for us as locals but we had it, the food ranged from $3,000.00 JMD up for chicken, fish, shrimp and lobster.

To Shave or Not? Deux.

Photo by Supply on Unsplash

So, in the last post, we touched on the importance of manscaping and some techniques use to get rid of excess body hair.

It seems the modern man has become a manscaping man or at the very least - he should be. After all, it’s a manscaping world, and we’re just living in it! But besides looking and feeling good, manscaping helps to create a healthy body-atmosphere because it helps to decrease sweating (and I sweat a lot so I can attest to that) in addition to make bedroom shenanigans spicier- you can thank me later.

I honestly hate time consuming and annoying grooming methods and I’m sure many of you can attest to that. I much preferred the quick on and off process of slathering on Nair for Men, waiting 12 minutes and then washing it off- and just like that I’m SMOOOTH! But days later, I would have inflammation, ingrown hairs and excessive itching to deal with in addition to worrying about the side effects on my balls. With all of that to think about, I decided to try Manscaped.

Hearing all the buzz about it, I went on their website and purchased the performance package which includes the Lawn Mower 3.0, the Weed Wacker for nose and ear hair, a pair of branded Manscaped boxer briefs, their Crop Reviver and Crop Preserver which are a pH balancing toner and deodorant, respectively, for the male genital area and the Magic Mat for the hair to fall on (you don’t need the entire package, you can just buy the trimmer). Opening the box brought excitement with it when I saw the very sleek design. Right away, I was impressed and couldn’t wait to try it. The matte black machine that sits comfortably into my hands was accompanied by a modern designed charging stand along with a razor they named, that looks great on my bathroom counter top.

Fully charged and with the trimmer guard adjusted, I began manscaping. I must say, I was worried about having hair my pulled during the process and nipping especially around the scrotal area in addition to the inflammation post-shaving. I have had these issues with many trimmers prior to trying this one and I can confidently say, none of those issues were found with the Lawn Mower 3.0!

I would highly recommend this to any and every man in need of a hood tool to mow their lawns. The team at Manscaped ensured that this experience wouldn’t be as dreadful as it usual so GREAT JOB guys. You have a devoted customer. Keep up the good work.

Studies show that a confident man is more successful than a man low on confidence. Let manscaping be your way of life. Embrace this practice and enjoy living a more fulfilled, confident, happier, and healthier life.